The case of the lunger on Christmas Eve....

My mother in law is insane. She surrounds herself with insane people.

She dates insane men.

I try to avoid her as much as possible. Mostly because I don't like her, but the insane thing is a part of it too.

She is dating a motivational speaker/life coach now.

He is a huge tool. His name is Rob.

Whenever I see him he is in a tank top and swim shorts and sitting in open leg positions so his balls are flopping.

Good times.

So for Christmas Eve we go to see my wifes family. My sister in law is with us for the holiday and her and my wife are nervous since my mother in laws boyfriend will be there.

They don't like him and aren't comfortable with him being there.

We're all joking about how he will probably be wearing the tank top and shorts when we see him.

It's fun.

So we get there and he is dressed normally. He has a shirt and sweater on. He is wearing slacks.

He is passing for human.

I do what I normally do when I am with my wifes family.

I start to get drunk.

The Patriots are on and I am boozing with my buddy Ryan, when Ryan starts talking about Rob.

Now let me preface by saying that Ryan and his Dad John are guys. They ain't fags. They are just beer drinking football loving men.

So Ryan tells me that Rob comes up to him and his dad and asks them what they think his pants are made of.

Not really an icebreaker, but lets move on. He then tells them that his pants are made of hemp and its a good material.

WTF is wrong with this guy?

Later we are watching football and Ryans dad asks me where Rob went. Rob has been missing for an hour or so now.

I tell Ryans dad (John) that it's probably a Christmas miracle that he is gone and not to jinx it.

About 10 minutes later we see Rob.

In a T-shirt and shorts.

It's Christmas Eve! He is meeting the family for the first time. He changes his clothes.

Oh yea.

He was barefoot too.

I now decide to get really drunk and watch as things unfold. My wife and sister in law are giving me looks.

I love it.

Then the fun starts. The house we were at has an island in the kitchen.

Rob braces his hands against it and starts doing push ups while leaning on the island.

This is while we are all there getting food. No one says anything.

Rob finishes the upper body workout and moves into the living room.

He starts doing leg lunges.

It is officially the best Christmas ever.

The wife and sister in law throw an ether soaked rag over my mouth and drag me to the car so we can make our escape home to laugh and gossip about the tragedy that is now their family.

The rest of the vacation was kind of a snooze after that.