Party time!!!

Monday Cassie was telling me she was talking to our director about setting up a night out for our group. Cassie's justification for this was that the sales team was bar hopping last week on the company dime, so we deserved something as well.

My director agreed. So Cassie is telling me this and I am telling her that while that is fine, the only form of appreciation I need is in the form of money. I told her those gatherings were not for me and to have a good time.

Wednesday Kat comes over to my cube and mentions this outing again and then adds that she was told to try to get me to come to this. I ask her if it was Cassie who wanted me there, since you know Cassie is a nosy broad who makes everyones business her business.

I was surprised when Kat said it wasn't Cassie. It was in fact my director Dan. He told Kat to make sure I went to this. Now Kat kinda fucked me over by telling Dan I never wanted a company shirt, so I get the impression Dan thinks I'm not a team player.

To me a team player is someone who is asked to come in at 5 AM and does. It is now 6 am and I have been here for an hour. No one else is, but I am. If I choose to not go to a company party that should be my perogative.

I tell Kat that I won't be able to make it. The main reason is that I get out of work at 1 or 2 depending on the day and my "team" works until about 4 or 5. Where the fuck am I supposed to go for the 2-3 hours in between? Fuck that noise.

Kat tries appealing to the more base aspects of my masculinity by saying we will be doing body shots.

Body shots.

With her.

She has 3 kids from 2 different guys. I could probably get her pregnant by thinking hard.

She knows I am married too. What the fuck is wrong with this chick? Who tells a married man that they can do body shots at a company sponsored function?

Am I crazy?

Kat was at the bar hopping sales extravaganza last week too. She told me she was going to spend the night in a sales guys hotel room because she would be too drunk to drive home.

Yea nothing will happen there huh?

So she shows up to work late the next day dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Basically pajamas. I ask her how the traffic from Boston was and she tells me she ended up going home.


Now a rational person would think that:

1.Good she has some respect from herself and didn't want to hook up with a co worker since that's just not a bright idea.

2. She was sober enough to drive home and not be a danger.

3. She is a good mom who wanted to be with her kids.

Yea none of those 3 are what happened.

1. She did hook up with a guy we work with but didn't want to go back to his room because
"I would have been a bad girl tee hee!" and "You might be hearing some stories about me this week!"

2. She was LOADED. "I called this guy I am seeing and he kept me awake while I drove home. He was at my house and got me in my pajamas and put me to bed." Good to know she can call a guy she is dating to be at her house at 3 am to take care of her after she was fooling around with a random sales guy. Although I bet this dude banged her when he put her to bed.

3. Her kids are probably better off not knowing what mommy does for fun.

So with all of that said, why would I ever hang out at a place that had someone like this around? She goes nuts at a large company gathering, what the hell is she going to do at a small team outing?

I would rather stick my hand in a bag of AIDS infested needles than do a body shot with her.

Who the fuck does body shots at company sponsored events anyway? I don't work at Coyote Ugly.

The thing that bugs me most about this stuff is the way white collar jobs take it as an insult if you don't participate in these things.

I'm not blowing off a friends party, I am deciding to spend time with family or friends or just be alone instead of going to a work function on my free time.

These people ask me why I won't go and my director makes a point to make sure I will be there like I am best friends and we never get to see each other.

These people want me to go to these things? Have them during the work day. I'll go then.

If you have it after work, well then tell me who Kat did body shots with, because I won't be there.