While I was on vacation in December the boy changed his behavior for the worst. He would wake up crying at 3 AM and wouldn't go back to sleep unless he was in our bed.
This was ok for a night or two, but it was turning into a thing. It's very hard to sleep with a one and a half year old in your bed. You are never truly asleep because you are afraid you are gonna roll over on the child and smother them.
So we needed to do something. The old routine was we would give him a bottle of water and hold him until he fell asleep. He only had a bottle when it was time to sleep and it was always water. He would use cups during the day.
We kicked the bottle to the curb and gave him his bath right before bed time. Once out of the bath he would put on his pajamas and grab his blanket. We would then all go downstairs and he would be wrapped up in his blanket and sit on the couch on his own. He was out in like 5 minutes.
We had found a system that worked. We tweaked it for a bit. At first we would hold him in the blanket, but we found that he tended to wake up at night when we did that, so we went with him sitting on his own. So for the past month it's been great. He sleeps from like 7:30 until 6 am. It's just like how he used to sleep.
Now comes where I have to yell. Since Valentines day was on a Tuesday and since the wife and I never get to go out, my folks volunteered to take the boy last weekend. They took him on Friday, giving us two free nights to relax and go out.
We had planned this for about 3 weeks. During those three weeks I called my mother repeatedly and ran her through the sleeping routine. I specifically told her to
1) Do not let him sleep in your bed.
and
2) When you are putting him to sleep let him fall asleep on his own and don't hold him.
These are big points. He can fall asleep without the bath, but letting him sleep in their bed and holding him as he fell asleep were going to make it hard for us.
I call my folks on Saturday morning to see how he did.
Mom: "He woke up around 3 am, but I changed him and he went back to bed."
Me: "He woke up? How did you let him go to sleep?"
Mom "Well Dad wanted to hold him because he got in late and didn't get to play with him, but once he was held he kept squirming, so we let him sleep on his own."
Me: "Why did you have dad hold him?"
Mom: "No it's ok..he didn't want to be held so it's fine."
Me: "No, mom, it's not 'fine'. I told you not to do that. Actually I remember telling you for a few weeks not to do that. What if he did let dad hold him? What if it took us another month to get him to sleep through the night because of that?"
Mom: "Jay you can't go on what ifs. He didn't sleep in dads arms, it's no big deal."
(At this point I am yelling)
Me: "It is a big deal. The big deal is he is my son and this is how we put him to sleep. The big deal is that you didn't listen to me. The big deal is you aren't the one who has to get up at 3 am on a workday for a crying baby!"
She just got really quiet. She then said "You don't have to worry. I won't do that again." Her tone was sounding like I was the bad guy.
This shit drives me nuts. I tell people, specifically my mother and grandmother, how I want my son dealt with and they ignore me. When they ignore me I flip out on them and everyone tells me to calm down!
How about you fucking listen and I don't need to flip out?
The wife says I am condescending. I tell her that it seems like the only time they listen is when I yell.
For example, I am first generation Portguese. My grandmother is crazy about the boy...but the way she shows it is to squeeze him and hold him tight and even nibble on him.
I remember this as a kid and it was not a fun way of having love expressed. As an adult I know she just is crazy about the kid and wants to just hold him tight. As her grandson and as the boys parent it pisses me off.
This was especially true when the boy was a newborn. I would tell her to be calm with him and she would flip out saying I was being anal. The whole fam would tell me I needed to relax and then she would show her love to the boy and he would flip out.
Why? Because being bitten squeezed and scratched fucking HURTS! Then I would yell and tell her to back off. I would say you can hold the boy but just be gentle. She would go to the other end of the room and pout saying that she didn't want to hurt him.
I would express my feelings to my mom. She said that her mom would never hurt the boy, and that actually my son was a little whiny because he wasn't used to a lot of people.
I was like what the fuck are you talking about? My son is fine around a lot of people. It's when there is a 72 year old woman with 8 inch finger nails coming at him that he freaks out.
I was annoyed to say the least. What really gets me is that they don't see my point. They think I am over reacting.
Even if I am, he is my son and what I say goes. There shouldn't be any argument.
In about two months I am going to Aruba with my parents and my brother and his girlfriend. I have a feeling it will not be an enjoyable trip for me. I think I will lose it a few times with my mom.
I should have said no when they offered the trip.
No comments:
Post a Comment