London Calling Part Three...

The two guys I worked with in the UK were Steve and Holy (pronounced Holly). Steve was a citizen of the UK and Holy was a Chinese National in the UK on a work visa. Steve is my age and Holy was older than me. Holy actually lived in London with his wife and kid, but since the commute to Bracknell from London was so long, he rented a room in town and lived there during the week. He would only see his family on the weekends.

Holy said it was no big deal because "My kid is at school all week anyway so who cares?"

Holy does not drink. Holy does not stay up late. Holy was quite the opposite of me.

Imagine my surprise then when Steve and I decide to go out for dinner and drinks one night after work and Holy shows up.

Steve and his girlfriend Claire get me at my hotel and Holy is already with them. We head back to Reading. It was (surprise surpise) raining, but I was with people who knew where they were going, so I didn't get stuck in the rain or put the fear of darkened alley mugging/rape into the hearts of the citizenry.
First place we went was Nando's, a portuguese restaurant specializing in chicken. So much fun. Steve, Claire and I talked throughout dinner. We had such a good time.
Holy ate quietly.
We decided to hit some pubs. The first one we went to was called The Hobgoblin. It was glorious. Cramped and crowded. Everywhere from the walls to ceiling were covered with coasters of every beer they have ever served. I was really struck with a feeling of New England, only because this bar felt it could have just as easily been in Burlington Vermont full of UVMers. We found a free table and Steve and Claire told me how they had met, and talked about their families.
Holy doesn't drink so he just sat there quietly.
I started to feel bad because we were having a great time and it was obvious that Holy was not. The three of us definitely wanted to stay out and probably close some pubs, but it was becoming apparent that it wasn't going to happen.
After our drink, Steve and Claire took us to "their" bar. This is where they normally go. Steve was actually asked to be the DJ that night. It was Goth Night and apparently he is a favorite at that night.

This bar was....well anyone from my Bridgewater State days will know what I mean when I say that this place was the Julios of Reading.

A huge dive bar. I fucking loved it. right down to the 55 year old bar maid who looked like she had been smoking as soon as she was able to light a cigarette. All of Steve and Claires friends were there.
One of the friends was a guy named Ollie. He was a photographer and had given himself a project. Every day for one year he would take a picture of a different person. He wanted a 365 day portfolio, just to see if he could do it. I was the lucky participant that evening.

Oh yea, they had a foosball table. So I am just bullshitting with Steve and his friends when Holy notices the foosball table. His eyes light up and he starts playing. Then I start playing.

Holy and I versus Steve and his Friend Dee. Holy is awful. I am buzzed and mouthing off.

"Holy I swear to fuck if you let another goal by, I am going to tell our boss that you are stealing and have you fired so fucking fast it will make your head spin."
It was a great team building excercise.
We ended up losing surprisingly.
After that it was fairly obvious that Holy was spent so we called it a night. I was dropped off and the next day I am the first one in the office. Steve calls in sick (pussy) and Holy was over an hour late.
Those boys just couldn't hang.

Coming up:

Part 4...London.

London Calling Part Two.....

My first non jet lagged night I decided to take the train to the bustling metropolis known as Reading. Everyone in the office told me that Reading had shops opened later and better restaurants.

This worked for me because I wanted to get a toy double decker bus for my sons and my dad had asked me for a Manchester United hat. My colleague Steve had told me about this great italian restaurant called Caliccios that I would really like.

Once I get off the train I realize that I've made a huge mistake. I have no idea where to go. It starts pouring rain as soon as I step outside and I have stupidly forgotten my hat in my nice warm hotel room.

I figure "Fuck it, I'm here anyway." I head to main area and see a bunch of shops. My goal is to get the hat for my dad and the toy for my boys.

It is about 6:30 PM and all of the shops are starting to close.

So while the shops in Reading are opened longer than the ones in Bracknell, they are only open for one hour longer and my train ride was about 50 minutes.

So the shopping is nixed, but dinner can be salvaged. Unfortunately I'm lost in a foreign city at night and its raining out. This is not really conducive for asking for directions since most people are rushing home.

I do find a couple and ask if they know where Caliccios is. They tell me I need to take a right at the Oracle and then go over a bridge and then take a few more turns and I should see it.

They then disappear into the english night.

Now I am thankful for the directions, but at the same time:

What the fuck is the Oracle?

Some wandering on my part and I figure it out. It is the mall in Reading. I head in because I have to use the rest room and I hope to find something decidedly english for the boys. I mean they must sell a double decker bus here right?

Let me let all of my dear readers in on a little secret. There is nothing in England that you can't get in America. There are no little English shops. There are no "Wee Britain" stores where an old codger sips tea and Yells out "Oi arsehole! Wot ar' yeh doin'?"

This mall was the same as any mall in America. I was somewhat let down. I left it and tried to find my way to the italian restaurant. At this point I had to achieve at least one of my goals.

So as I was walking I came upon a sushi restaurant. There was an older lady walking by and I asked her if she knew where the italian restaurant Caliccios was.

First of all she grabbed her purse and stepped back like I was the second coming of Jack the Ripper (this will become a trend) and pointed to the sushi restaurant behind me and said:

"There's a restaurant right there."

Thanks Mary Poppins but this is a fucking sushi restaurant.

So I walk around the outside of the Oracle and can see a river that has restaurants all around it. One is an italian restaurant called Bella Italia.

I accept this as a compromise and head in and have a fine meal with some great italian beer.

Sated and somewhat happy that I did at least have an italian meal I head back to the train station.

Of course there is the little issue of me trying to find my way back to the train station. I wandered around Reading for about an hour trying to find a place to eat and have no idea where I am.

I cut through the mall and see two ladies walking in the archway leading out. I ask them for directions and they jump away from me like I have a rag of ether in my hands and date rape on my mind.

They laugh it off and tell me how to get back. I rush to the train station and do a cursory check to see if I have blood on me or something else that seems to make people nervous around me. Maybe it's the funny accent I have.

I never did find out though.

I get home around 10 or so. I am full but soaked to the bone and go to sleep.

It was a fun night but I should have written directions down and taken an umbrella.

Coming up:

Part three. Pub hopping.

London Calling.....

I spent last week in England for work. A small village called Bracknell. England is a cool place, but there were some noticeable differences. For example I would leave the office around 5:30 and all the shops were closed. The only place open was the local pub, The Manor.

The Manor is great. It's like the Winchester in Shaun of the Dead. There were four older men at the bar. This was obviously "their pub". They had been coming here for years and were friends for even longer.

One of them had to leave. As he was saying his goodbyes one of his friends grabs his own crotch and says "Give my love to the wife for me wouldja?".

This was my kind of place. It was the british version of my all time favorite bar from college, Julios.
It was a fucking dive and it made me feel at home when I was so very far from it.
The odd thing about the pub was there was no concept of a tab. I wanted dinner and drinks. I had to pay up front. Now if I wanted more to drink I would have to pay again.
I had no cash on me and only my corporate card. So after dinner I order another pint and hand out my credit card.

The pint is about two pounds. I offer up my card and they tell me it is a five pound minimum. My meal came with a free drink and I had already had a pint to go with that as well.
Instead of not getting the pint I said "Oh ok five pound minimum? I'll take three pints then."

Ahh American excess.
After my 5 drinks I made my way to the hotel. My hotel was in this plaza and the only way (or so I thought) in was to take an escalator from the plaza to the hotel.
It was about 8pm. The doors to the escalator were locked and I was somewhat drunk and having to piss.

An emergency if there ever was one. The lights are out. The town is deserted and I have no idea where to go to make it to my hotel. I wander around and find a Royal British club and ask the kind ladies if they can tell me how to get back to my hotel.

They group up like I am about to mug them (this becomes a trend throughout my trip) and provide directions. I thank them and make off like the wind. I have to go through a car park and up a few flights of stairs before I make it to the hotel, but make it I do.

I tell the concierge that he really screwed me over with the whole locking up of the escalators and he should get on that. He nods and I go to my room for a piss and sleep.

Part two soon.

I can't....I have a headache

It's been a busy few weeks. I am starting to catch up on school work, but am still a bit behind. A big part of that is work. This guy I work with is based in England.

I work with european customers and this guy was hired to help out.

He sucks so bad.

He is a horrible worker.

He tries to be nice and tell jokes to get you on his good side to make up for his complete lack of knowledge and work ethic.

When you first start here you get a bit of a pass because the technology is new and our products are not the easiest to use. Eventually more responsibility is sent your way until you are able to do your job by yourself. I was supposed to be his point of escalation in case he hit a roadblock.

I was not being utilized that way.

He was always asking for help. That in and of itself is fine, but he would have me do all of the work and not take notes when I did it. What was happening was the same problems were appearing but he wasn't learning from it.

I started getting frustrated. I started giving him a checklist of things I wanted done before I would even look at the issue. He did not like that at all.

He would tell me he was nervous about helping out customers when he didn't know what he was doing.

I told him I never knew what I was doing, but the beauty is that neither does the customer.

That didn't work for him.

He went to my boss and told him that when I helped him with his problems I moved too fast and he didn't know what I was doing. He did this in spite of me asking him each step of the way if he understood what was going on. His reply was always yes. He said he was taking notes the whole time too.

So my boss tells me from now on I am to instruct him and monitor him when he has an issue.

I say fine.

Then he calls in for two weeks with a headache.

He calls in saying he has a stress headache and his doctor said he will be unable to work for two weeks.

Can you believe that shit? That is balls. If I wasn't so pissed at what a pussy move that was I'd almost be impressed.

So while he is gone I am working all of his issues and mine.

I have the boys during the week and homework is piling on.

In short this happened at the worst possible time.

He comes back last Friday. I am working an issue and tell him to work a different one.

He logs on and calls me saying he is in the customer system but has no idea what to do and can I help him.

Unfuckingreal.

God damn lazy asshole.

So I log in and tell him that I will tell him what to do so he can learn.

He says no. He says that if he works the issue he will get another stress headache. He wants me to do it and he will take notes.
Now this prick told my boss that when we did just that, I was moving too fast for him. He said that he couldn't pick up what I was doing.

I fucking hate people. I call my boss and am like "Listen this dude you hired has sand in his vagina and needs to get some balls ASAP because he is killing me."

Although when he heard me it sounded more like "This guy says he's going to get a headache if he works and wants me to do it for him. What the fuck is wrong with this guy and can you see that this is unacceptable?"

My boss did understand my plight but wanted the customer taken care of. He talked to my co-worker yesterday. The dude actually resigned and my boss just cut him loose instead of having him work his final two weeks.

I'm actually surprised he quit. I figured he was looking for another job when he had headaches, but I wasn't sure. Guys like that tend to milk jobs all the time.

Thank christ he is gone but my job just got a lot harder.

Swing batta batta...

Had one full week at work. Its like nothing changed. My foot feels awesome. I'm seeing the doctor today to see if I can start jogging again.

Now regarding work. I get here and my co-worker is telling me a story Kat told him. Apparently the older lady I work with, not Kat, an older woman with two teenage sons likes to swing.

This blows my mind. First of all here are the details. She and her boyfriend have other couples come over and they play a game. The game is that all of the guys put on blind folds and all of the women give the men blow jobs.

Now the men who are blindfolded need to guess who is giving them head. Regarding this I really don't care. What you do behind closed doors is really your own business. Now looking at this woman I'm not sure I would want to play that game with her, but what I really want to know is how do you get to the point with your mate where you can say:

"Hey lets have the Smiths over and John and I get blindfolded while you and his wife go down on us and we pick who is doing it!"

Personally I would not be able to share my wife. I don't know how a husband or boyfriend could let that happen. So that's my roadblock. Second you have to convince your wife to do this. I have no idea how you even HAVE that conversation.

Lets say you are get past those issues. I am 31 years old and now have friends in my life that I have known for about 16 years now. These are close friends. Friends that I consider to be brothers.

My kids call them uncle and aunt. I mean They are like family. That said, I can't even imagine how I would even ask if they swing.

I guess a lot of booze is involved. Again I'm not judging this at all. I'm really curious how you even get another couple to do this. I mean I just don't think that even if I wanted to swing, (which I don't) how you would even go about getting another couple involved.

The real thing is that for the past month I have been unable to drive because of my foot so I have been working from home.

My first day back I hear about this 42 year old woman who goes down on her and her boyfriends friends while they are blindfolded.

Why am I not more shocked by this?

Toe the line....

I type this stoned out of my mind on Oxycodone. The surgery went well or so my doctor says. I always try to stay awake when they put me under, but everytime the surgery is completed before I even know it has started. This time was no different.

I'm fairly certain that I tried to convince the nurses that the anethesia had worn off when I got out of surgery by telling them I worked in telecom and I was a smart guy.
In hindsight I'm pretty sure that the effect was opposite what I was going for. The toe feels fine except for the pain that my good friend the prescription drugs help numb. Before I left they put my on crutches. I'm not the most coordinated person to begin with so this will be an interesting 10 days with no pressure on the foot. It's a weird thing because you take walking for granted. Now I can't even grab a can of seltzer because I need both hands for these crutches.
I can't walk and hold Cole. I can't play soccer with Jack. It kinda blows. I've caught up on everything on my DVR and even finished the excellent Brotherhood on DVD.
The plus side was having Friday and Monday off from work. It allowed me to help Faith out with Cole. The drugs make me tired but sleep doesn't come easy, so 2 am feedings are not the nightmare they normally would be.
My neck is killing me though. I suck at the crutches and have been sleeping on the couch because I can't consistently get upstairs to my bed. This does help with the baby because it's just him and I for the most part at night. I pass him off around 2 or 3 so I can get some sleep before work at 5.
Of course my first day back at work is not fun. I'm working from home for the next month or so. The weekend with the foot was fine. I was able to put some weight on it. It still hurts pretty much all the time but it was manageable because it was always elevated.
Now I am working at my dining room table and can't keep my foot up. I must have bumped this thing like 100 times in my first hour back at work. It is THROBBING.
Funny thing about the drugs. They make me way more affectionate. I'm not made of stone, I always kiss my wife and kids and tell them I love them, but I'm such a chick flick when I'm on drugs.
Part of it is being fairly helpless. I have to rely on my wife for everything right now. She is a champ about it, but I want to help as much as I can hence me taking Cole for most of the night. You really appreciate the people in your life when you don't have a leg to stand on.

Side note:

Once my vacation was over I went back to work and there was a big company meeting. We all had to go to this hotel conference room. I got there and sat next to a co-worker. I started making small talk and they ignored me.
No worries. People have stuff going on and it was just small talk.

After the meeting we went back to the office and my colleagues were talking about all going to lunch. Next thing I know they are all gone.

No one asked me. Everyone was ignoring me. No one asked about the baby. No one asked how my wife was doing.
It was awesome. Finally people got the hint. Work Jay and personal life Jay no longer had to meet.

Then I woke up. It seriously was a dream where my co-workers minded their own business.
When I really got back to work I got hit with the questions about the baby.
They asked if I had pictures. I told them I didn't They asked me before I left if I was going to email them pictures of Cole when he was born.

I told them I would not.

This is not to be a dick. First off these are co-workers who I do not know socially. Secondly I have this unnatural fear of pictures of my kids on the internet. I hate it. The world is full of perverts. I wouldn't email co-workers pictures of my kids because in my mind they can then forward those pictures to the world.
It's an insane thought, but I'm on prescription drugs right now. They then said how come you won't have pictures of the kids at your desk. I've said this before.
"I know what my kids look like. If I were to have their pictures there it would be for you to come and see and strike up a conversation."

People don't like that response. Oh well. It is also part of my unnatural fear of layoff. I don't want anything at my desk that I can't get rid of with one trip because there is no way I am taking two trips after being shit canned.

Tiny Tim for 2007

I may have mentioned that I broke my toe on my birthday. If I didn't, well I'm mentioning it now. The doctors who spent 8 years studying medicine told me to just tape it up.

I did that and the swelling hasn't really gone down. I know am able to grab my big toe and pul it up and actually feel it separate from the rest of my toe bone.

Whenever I play soccer with Jack the thing swells up for days.

Something had to be done.

I went to a specialist who put an aircast on me. I looked so cool in it. Let me tell you. Nothing is more awesome than walking around in an aircast.

I was supposed to wear it for 4 weeks and then get x-rays taken to see if the toe healed.
It did but not enough. Now they need to go in and suture this hanging bone so I can be all good again.

Toe surgery, you think what maybe home for a week right?

My doctor tells me I will be home for 4 weeks.

This is nuts. Its a fucking toe. It happens to be my right foot so I can't put pressure on a gas pedal.

I won't be able to walk for 10 days.

After that I go back to the aircast and then physical therapy. I'm gonna be like Tiny Tim for fucks sake.

I really feel guilty because

I'll be home for the rest of my wifes maternity leave.

I don't feel guilty about being with her, but how it looks at work.

Of course my co-workers work from home because they are getting breast implants, so maybe I am worrying for nothing.

Baby blues..

So on July 18th Cole Pavao was born. He was 8lbs 5 oz and is cute little guy. The birth went fine. I asked the doctors if I could cut the cord this time. Last time I didn't because my oldest was a big baby and they needed to get him out quick.

Births are fun. I don't know why people get freaked by it. Sure there is the blood, placenta and after birth but after that its just like a 70's horror movie. Totally fine really.

So the cord. I was joking to the doctors and the nurses that I had been practicing on spaghetti. This was a little tougher than spaghetti.

First off the docs cut the cord and then I get to cut the excess.

Second no one told me that fucker shot blood out when you cut it. It was like a fucking Tarantino movie. I had to take two tries cuz I stopped when Cole started screaming and blood squirted at me.

Thats another thing. The kid still fely me cutting the cord. For some reason I thought that the kid wouldn't feel that.

Won't think that again. After he was born I was holding him and sitting next to my wife while they stitched her up.

Cole looks like his brother. His brother looks like me, so Cole will look like me. I let me wife know that my pureblood genes have once again overcome her mixed breed.

She never thinks I'm as funny as I really am.

So we go to recovery and they decide to take Cole to the nursery for his first bath. With my first son Jack this took about an hour. With Cole it took about 3. I was not pleased.

You have to make sure the baby is warm before you bathe him. I don't think the 3 hours was waiting for the kid to warm up though. I think it was more just laziness.

I was torn. I wanted to stay with Cole, even if he didn't know that I was there I didn't want him to be alone.

I have this paranoid fear about somehow not getting the right baby so I tried to memorize every aspect of him. I had read somewhere before Jack was born that 92% of fathers recognized their newborns . I was willing myself to remember every part of Cole so I could pick him out of a lineup.

So I am waiting 3 god damn hours and my wife isn't in her room yet. This has me worried. Is she ok? Should I check? I didn't want to leave Cole but I was getting worried about my wife.

I knew that if I was her I would want her to stay with the baby, so I did. I did go to the nurses station and ask where she was. They didn't have much in the way of news but told me if she wasn't in her room then I couldn't be on the floor either. I explained to her that my son was on this floor in the nursery. They told me it didn't matter and I had to go back to the recovery ward.

I told them no problem and then went back to see my son at the nursery. After a few minutes the nurse who told me to leave walked by me and stared at me.

I had a crazy thought that she was going to call security on me and was more than willing to get into it with whoever they threw at me.

Nothing was going to pull me away from this kid.

Lucky for her and the hospital staff that I would have left in my violent wake, there was no confronatation.

Another hour went by and Cole finally got his bath. I decided that too much time had gone by and I really needed to see my wife. I walked to to elevator and as it came up, she was coming out of it.

Perfect timing.

Family started showing up but we were really excited about Jacks reaction to his new brother. When he finally showed up I met him at the door and he starts asking really loud:

"Dada did my baby brother pop out?"

I told him that yes his baby brother did indeed pop out and we could go see him as soon as he was ready.

I took him to the nursery and he saw all of the babies there. He looked at them and asked:

"Do I get to pick out the one I want?"

I told him I had already picked out the one we wanted but I was sure he would like him.

So far I was right. Jack is crazy about Cole. He's also protective towards him in a scary way.

Remember my comment about my totally rational thought that I would be willing to physically fight to stay and see Cole in the nursery?

Yea well seems like Jack also has some of that intensity as well. When it was time to bring Cole home the nurse went to cut off his ankle tag.

Jack saw the nurse go to Cole with the scissors and stared right at her. Without blinking he says"

"Don't...cut...him." I have never seen him more serious. I think he would have shit beat that nurse if Cole started crying.

Like father like son.

History Repeating...

Wednesday is b-day, as in birth-day. The birth of my second child. In the words of Luca Brassi, "A masculine child.". My second boy comes to this world at 10 AM on Wednesday and I can't wait.
Having a baby is a weird thing. It's like boxing. You know your gonna get a punch but your not sure where its going to hit or how much its going to hurt.
Kids rule.
The first few months with a newborn are great, but getting the little bugger to sleep normally is not the funnest.
The wife and I have been prepping the house. We brought up the pack and play so he could sleep in our room for the first month or so. Yesterday we went and got some more diapers and wipes for him.

I'm really looking forward to the baby. We don't have a name yet, so that will be odd. I mean he won't answer to anything for awhile anyway, but "hey you" will look weird on a birth certificate.

I'm hoping my wife gets to relax while in the hospital. I'll be off all next week to help with the baby and work from home the week after, but then I'm back in the office.

A newborn is tough, but the newborn and a three year old who has enough energy to power a small town is a little insane.
I think to curb my oldest sons energy I'm going start putting him to work. I'm going to have him work on my yard. He can push my lawnmower around. He actually likes doing that, but only if it is off. He is not a fan of the running lawnmower.
The trick with kids is to make everything an adventure.
You're too tired to play? Make an adventure out of being quiet. Want to sleep? Tell the kid you are hiding and he'll hide with you.

Parenting is easy.

Umm Happy Birthday....?

Kat walks into the office around 8 AM yesterday wearing a tight black shirt with writing on it.
I look at it and of course its in huge letters right around the new cans.

"Spank me, it's my birthday!"

Again, I am far from prudish, but what the fuck is this chick doing wearing a shirt like this? This is a shirt you see chicks wearing when they hit the bars in Boston. Dudes would buy them shots and they would just get plastered.

You don't wear it to fucking work. It just astounds me. Who fucking does that? I just say "Nice shirt." She laughs and bends over like I'm supposed to spank her.

I go "How about a happy birthday instead?"

This place is nuts. My buddy Tim shows up a little later and notices the shirt. He also notices her cancer tatoo on her wrist. She sees Tim looking at it and assures him that its not 69.

Thanks for clearing that up Kat.

My boss is on vacation. He has been since last week and will be back Monday. There are three people in my group and one of them is on vacation. The other person in my group decided to work from home all of this week. She didn't ask my boss because he is on vacation, so she just decided to do it.

Convenient huh?

My co-workers can blow me.

They are always bitching about how no one is around, but as soon as my boss is gone it's like school is fucking out. When my boss is here they go behind each others back and complain about no one working as hard as they are.

I'm live and let live, I don't bitch to my boss about any of them. I don't care what they fucking do, but at the same time it blows my mind that the people who do the most bitching are the ones taking the most advantage.

Know why this chick is staying home all week? Her boyfriends 16 yr old daughter is spending the week with them.

This girl used to live with them, then she caught a case of the teen pregnancy and this chick told her boyfriend that his daughter could not have a baby at their house.

This chick decided to move to North Carolina to be with her mom and have the baby. When the kid was born my co-worker was acting like a proud grandma showing pictures.

You never would know she told the girl to either get rid of the baby or put it up for adoption.
Now she is "working from home" all week to spend time with said baby.

Fucking hypocrite.

The Drama Club

I've heard my wife complain about her mother being dramatic and trying to guilt her into things. I know parents hold a sway over you, so that is why I took the lead on telling my mother in law that I didn't want her boyfriend at the hospital.

As of yesterday I joined the drama club. I was hot as fuck. I had just gotten done mowing the lawn and watering the grass. I was sitting down with the burgers I just grilled and getting ready to watch some "John from Cincinnati" (A strangely watchable show) when the phone rings.

I never answer the phone but when I saw the caller ID and recognized my mother in laws number I knew I had to answer it. I didn't want her to think I was afraid to talk to her.

When I answered the phone she wanted me to give her a reason why I didn't want to have her boyfriend at the hospital.

The real reason is he is a creepy creepy man who I hate seeing with my current son and I don't want him anywhere near the new one either, but I didn't want to go off and make things weird for my wife and her mom.

I just told her that like I had said in my email, I didn't know him very well and I only wanted close friends and family there. She then countered by saying he has been in her life for over a year. I told her that while that may be true I had only met him a few times and didn't want him there.

I never backed down from telling her that he was not welcome. My only ambiguity was the reason why, but not once did I falter or make myself seem remorseful about my decision.

A little side note:

When we found out the sex of the baby it was discovered that the umbilical cord had a single umbilical artery. Most cords have two arteries and one vein. Our baby had one artery and one vein. This is fairly common and just like having two hands, eyes and ears, the second artery is a backup.

As a result of this they just monitored my wife and the baby a little closer, but there have been no issues.

Back to the post.

So my mother in law starts crying on the phone saying that with all of the complications that my wife has gone through (see above) her and her boyfriend had been praying for my wife and son and myself. Her quote was "But we prayed for you."

So does prayer get you admissions to maternity wards now?

Was there a memo about that somewhere? I'm not an especially religious person. Most days I doubt that there is a God. Her telling me she prayed for me and the inference that because her boyfriend did that then I should allow him to see my wife and child kind of pissed me off.

I told her to tell her bf thanks for the prayers but still nothing was going to change. He was not invited. I said only friends and family. She then comes back with "Well he is my family." I told her that I was happy for her but that still doesn't make him my family.


This woman sent me and email saying she respected my wishes yet here she is trying to use every guilty tool at her disposal to make me change my mind. I thought the whole thing was funny.

She then went on to say what a wonderful guy her BF was and how he looked so hurt when she told him I didn't want him there. He was so looking forward to being there.

Now if she really loved this guy do you think she would have said something like that? She couldn't have spared his feelings by saying that they only allowed immediate family or something? She said this to guilt me. I told her that while I was sorry her bf felt slighted that it wasn't anything personal, I just didn't know the guy.

She started crying again.

She was like I just wanted to clear the air. I told her she was more than welcome to call any time she wanted to discuss this but nothing was going to make me change my mind. She said bye and I got off the phone.

Now it's mighty presumptuous of her to assume she can just come to the hospital with this guy anyway. I didn't feel bad once during the call and I actually feel pretty great about it right now.

I see her tomorrow and I have a feeling that will be round 2.

Untitled....

My baby should be born in about three weeks.

Being a parent is a really funny thing. You never really understand how protective you are until you have a child. I'm constantly thinking about my son and how to keep him safe. Lately those thoughts have been moving towards my unborn son as well.

My mother in law has a boyfriend that I don't like. I think I've mentioned him before. He wears ball hugger shorts and tank tops to family gatherings. He shows up at Easter wearing a name badge for some group he is part of in an attempt to have someone ask him about it.

Just blatant cries for attention.

I don't like him around my son. I don't know the guy and he is overly comfortable around him. I'm not saying that in a way that my son doesn't like him. I mean he is a man who I don't know who seems feel like he can play with my son like he has known him and me for years.

I understand that he wants to try to fit in to the family, but fit in with someone else's kid. He likes to take pictures with his camera phone.

It's just very creepy, but nothing really out of the ordinary.

He' just odd.

Back to baby #2.

We're going to have a private room after the baby is born. I only want my family and close friends there to visit my wife.

As a husband and a father its my responsibility to make sure my wife and child feel comfortable.

I need to feel comfortable too.

My oldest is at a point where if he doesn't want to play with you then he can just walk away.

A newborn doesn't have that luxury.

I don't want my mother in laws boyfriend at the hospital. I don't want him in his ball huggers hodling my infant son. I don't want him whipping out his camera phone and snapping pictures of him.

I want to remember my sons birth as a time when we were surrounded by people we wanted there.

I have been telling my wife this for awhile. She has kinda been listening but not really doing anything about it.

Our parents will always have a power over us. I understand that. She didn't want to offend or get into it with her mom. She wanted to just let it slide and then move on when they left.

I didn't.

I pulled her aside and told her that it wasn't going to happen. I didn't want the mother in laws boyfriend there and there really wasn't anything that was going to let it happen.

I explained to her the reasons why I felt that way and told her I had no problem telling her myself. My mother in law may have some power over my wife, but she has none over me.

I do know my mother in law though and she tries to twist things so that they look like she is the victim.

To me I find it somewhat offensive that she would assume to bring her boyfriend to see my baby without checking with me. To her she thinks because he is her boyfriend he should come. thats fine, but this is not a boyfriend of 2 years or so. I've only met him about three times and as I mentioned I'm not a fan.

So I sent the mother in law an email telling her how excited we were about having her meet the new baby. I then said that because I didn't know him well enough, I didn't want her boyfriend there.

She replied that she was saddened and that her boyfriend is:

"a wonderful, kind and loving person and I hope that someday both of you will come to know that for yourselves."

She did say that she would respect my wishes though. I stressed that this was all my decision. She did CC my wife in the email though. I think that was her way of trying to get her involved. Like I hadn't gone over this with my wife and I was doing all of this behind her back.

Its so funny. First of all this is my kid. I don't care how saddened she is. Its my kid. I may not like your boyfriend but I don't skip family getherings because he is there. Its family and you deal with it.

When my kid is born I make the rules. We're going to have a party for the baby a few weeks after he is born and the mom in laws BF can show up then.

He's not family. He'll never be a step grandfather. He will never be anything to my son other than his grandmothers boyfriend. I will always be cordial and have my son be respectful, but there are no life lessons that this can or will ever teach him.

Back to the well....

Ever since Kat had her cans enlarged she has been wearing low cut tops. Hey you drop a few grand I guess you want to show off what you paid for. I already mentioned how every guy in the company came over "Just to make sure she was OK"., but it's been a few weeks now.

They can't use that excuse anymore. Fortunately I work with smart guys who can find excuses to look at her fake cans.

For example:
"Kat, was there an email about the meeting?" Kat replies: "Yes I sent it to you."

"Oh ok, I must have missed it."

The dude got a fucking email. He just wanted to stare. It's like in school when the first chick gets boobs. All of these dudes are falling over themselves for her.

She was telling me how she is back with her ex. She just got the divorce finalized a few months ago and now is getting back with him. This is a smart dude. He makes the move about 3 weeks before the boobs get put in.

He then does all the shit work like taking care of the house and kids while she is recovering and shows her "he has really changed". So now she is back together with him.

She was telling me and this other guy I work with about it. She was like "yea we're really trying to make it work. I called all of the guys I was seeing and told them that I couldn't see them anymore."

All of the guys she was seeing? I have a wife and a kid and I don't have time to go out. How does a mom of 3 have time to go out with multiple people?

Wait I know how. If the chick is getting the fake cans, then these dudes make time according to her schedule. So anyway she is telling me how she is getting back with her ex and I just pipe up.

"Kat let me stop you for a moment. I've seen this movie a few times. It's going to be fine for a bit, but then something is gonna happen and your gonna say it's his fault. Once that happens he's out again right?"

She told me they were really trying because the kids loved having their dad over. Yea she also told me 2 guys ago that they really loved her last BF. I think maybe the kids just want something stable. What do I know though.

The best happened yesterday though. I mentioned that I am now working with our European group. We finally got one of them here for proper training. His name is Vincent and he is from France. So I finally meet him face to face. Great guy, real smart. I have a really good feeling about him. So we meet and he comes to my desk and I offer to show him the lab and the equipment. He says that Kat is going to show him the lab.

Now Kat knows where the lab is located, but she has no idea what the equipment is in there. It's not her job. She don't need to. So I explain this to my french friend. He then says that after he gets his tour from Kat, he'll see me for the lab tour.
Then it happens.

Kat comes over to shoot the shit for a minute. She is wearing a super low cut shirt. (At this point its just funny because she is screaming "look at them!" As soon as someone asks for that kind of attention I tend to go in the opposite direction and ignore them.) You would think Vincent was stranded on an island for about 15 years. She is talking to us about her weekend and Vincent is just staring at her chest.

He's not saying a word. He's just staring.
I think I know why he wanted that tour.

Driving to pain...

Busy weekend at Casa de Pavao. I taught the boy how to change the oil in the cars. I think we might need to go over that again. After that I did a ton of yard work. I planted some flowers and set up a little sprinkler system.

The boy seems to enjoy doing these things. That's good because when he is 12 he's going to be doing it while I play video games. We've been playing soccer a lot lately too. Our dog loves to play as well, and the boy has really taken to it.

Last year I had taken the boy to the driving range and he did as well as a 2 year old would do. He seemed to have fun, but didn't get the concepts. Now the boy is almost 3 and this time was a little different. He was actually hitting the golf balls and enjoying time with dad.

I am horrible at the driving range. I can't hit the ball straight to save my life. It was proven fairly obviously as the boy was in the next station beside me hitting golf balls. I go for a swing and it hits him in the leg. I am aiming 1 way and the ball goes 90 degrees in the other direction to hit the boy.

Only me.

He starts crying and says he wants to go home. The boy needs to man up more. He cries far too often over the littlest things. I love my son and he is smart as hell. I can talk to him like I talk to an adult, but I really cannot tolerate his whining. I realize that he almost 3 and not 15, but I'm trying to break him out of these bad habits.

He's been telling me "I can't" lately. I HATE that. It's such an easy crutch to fall on. I finally pulled the boy aside and told him to stop that stuff. He can do whatever he wants, and that saying "I can't" is not the way to be.

This blog is crap. It's incoherent, but I felt I owed my 1 reader something for missing last week.

Well? Lets see them.....

So Kat the secretary came back to work this week. She had been out for about ten days because she just had major surgery.

When she came in my boss and a few of the other guys all went to her desk to make sure she was feeling ok. That's what I like about this place. Everyone cares about everyone.

Sure when I cut my head open and got 4 staples at work and had a broken toe, my immediate supervisor never asked how I was feeling. Then again KAt just had breast implants so I guess he had more reason to go see her.
I sit in the back at my office and was just laughing as these 40-50 year old men with daughters 5 yrs younger than Kat were just surrounding her and making sure she was ok.

Kat was a real trooper. She said she was holding up fine, but had a hard time sleeping because she also had a tummy tuck so that with her sore breasts were really tough to deal with.

My boss suggested she get a body pillow to help her sleep at night. I think we found the humanitarian of the year.
Kat was also saying how she couldn't lift more than five pounds so she had to have her ex husbamd and parents come over and take care of her one year old.
This other guy just nodded knowingly and said "That must be really difficult, not being able to hold your baby."

I'm sorry, I thought this broad just got new tits, everyone is acting like she got hit by a truck while saving a group of orphans.
It's very funny because you know these dudes just want to see them. She goes on about how proud she is that she paid for them herself, worked two jobs to get the money for it. Of course that money couldn't have been used for her three kids, but whatever.

Why am I not going nuts for these fake protrusions like everyone else? Is it because I am married and love my wife?

It is not. I love my wife, but I'm a guy and when there is a beautiful girl with fake cans I notice.
This is not the case.
Fake boobs don't equal hot to me. Fake boobs on a hot girl equal hot to me.
Also as a dad and a husband I realize that there are just some things that I want that instead of getting them right away, they need to be put on hold or not gotten at all.

These things are no where in the range of the cost of elective plastic surgery, but they are things I want.
Things I have to save for, or wait around my birthday or Christmas to get for myself as a treat.

Now I am talking about shit like a wireless receiver for my xbox. It's like 90 dollars, but I would feel guilty spending that cash on myself when I have a son and a pregnant wife at home. I'm saving pocket cash for it though and when I have enough I'll get it.

So it kinda cheeses me that she complains about one of her exes not helping with the kids and she drops 4-7 thousand (I just did a quick online check) for this surgery. Shouldn't your kids come first? That kind of money would be the nice start of a college fund for all 3 kids.
Instead she has old men swinging by her cube to "See how she is feeling." She emailed us last week and told us that she would be working from home because she has drainage tubes coming out of her stomach from the tummy tuck.
Finally this guy I work with walks up and says what all the middle aged men couldn't say.
"Well? Lets see them." Kat was wearing a sweat shirt that left everything to the imagination. She explained that she was wearing a sports bra and a special support of some kind because they were still bruised.
I gotta tell you, between drainage tubes and bruised boobs, only two words enter my mind:
So hot.

She's not a bad person at all. She is really nice actually, I just don't agree with her decision is all.

In other news I have been back on the treadmill after a month off with my toe debacle. Going from 4 miles to 1.5 is rather humbling.

Back to it and have a great weekend.

the rat and the race....

I have been at this new job for about 10 months. I feel like I am fooling everyone here into thinking I know more than I do. Of course, my team comes in and shows me I have nothing to worry about.

They aren't bad people by any stretch, they just aren't what you would call concerned about their job.

I was raised to live in fear of losing your job. I tend to not want to have any kind of team lead or anything resembling myself having to be responsible for others. If they screw up it falls on me.

Well good luck with that.

I have been coming in between 5 and 6 am since January to help out with European issues. We had hired a new director and he needed some help so I volunteered.

I love the hours but it was becoming apparent that I was not a fan of this director. Neither it seems were his people.

His main guy in Europe quit, so I became the main guy. We sent one of our guys from the US to live in Europe and he quit like 4 minutes after he got there.

I was now supporting a continent from across the ocean with at the time 6 months of experience.

No pressure.

The new director hired another guy about a month ago, and he has been slowly picking things up. They also hired a new guy last week.

Then they fired the director.

My director is now the worldwide support director and has pretty much elevated me to team lead for these European guys.

Now I see why this has to happen. There is no one there to train them. I am in early and I have the most experience based on me being here longer than them.

That said, I haven't even been here a year and now my company is telling our customers in Europe that I am the guy who will be the lead for any issues they have. On top of that I have to manage and train these guys, I have to have daily meetings with them (I hate meetings). I have to manage customers.

I had a meeting with my director yesterday and he told me how he hoped next year I would join him for a conference in Germany to train our partners as well.

Trip to Germany? Fun

Training foreigners, dealing with accents and language barriers while battling your own concerns about your mastery of the technology, protocols and the product? Not so much.

Of course I can't tell my boss that I don't want to do this. It wasn't what I was hired for and I am certainly sure this is not what they wanted, but right now it is what is needed. I am glad that they don't think I am a total fuck up and can handle this, but at the same time this week has been too much, too fast and I feel overwhelmed.

I have a paper due Monday and my final in environmental science as well. The wife and the boy are going to Vermont tomorrow to visit relatives and I'll be able to finish my fence and that work. I think after that I'll grab a nice showe and go see "Hot Fuzz". I'll probably finish the day with a marathon of video games.

Hopefully it will be the recharge I need.

I'm not scared of the work by any stretch, its more the responsiblity for others and that possiblity of failure because of that.

I don't like relying on people. I also don't like playing the management game. I'm not built to deal with customers in a kiss ass way.

I guess I'm going to have to work on that.

Cubano!!!!

Got a package in the mail the other day. It was from a deployed American who sent me some Cuban Cohibas.

Very good stuff.

My wife was complaining a bit last weekend. I am breaking my back pulling up fence posts and cement blocks trying to fix my fence and she is upset at her best friend.

Her best friend now has a serious boyfriend and isn't around as much. She was upset because they had plans to hang out that weekend and she never got a callback. She was complaining that she couldn't believe that just because she had a boyfriend she would blow her off.

I explained to her that it happened from time to time especially when a relationship is new. She knows but was upset because her friend was bitching about another friend doing the same thing.

I just let it go. That following Monday we had an ultrasound. The baby is fine. I showed up in my car and my wife was in hers. Our son was with my mother in law. After the ultrasound my wife asked me to marinate some steaks while she went down the street to get our son. Realistically I should have gotten home about 30 minutes before my wife.

I waited almost 2 hours. She calls me and says she "Just got to talking" with her mom and was on the way.

That is fine. Chicks talk, it is to be expected. A call would have been nice, but whatever.

Tuesdays and Thursdays the wife works until about 8PM. I stay up to make sure she gets home ok. I have to be up around 4:30 in the morning, so the sooner she gets home the sooner I get to bed. She is usually home by about 9 the latest.

As of 9:30 she is not home and she hasn't answered my 2 phone calls. I figure correctly that she is probably talking to her best friend and making nice about the blow off. I tell her to call me as soon as she gets my message but I am going to bed.

The phone rings at 10:30 waking me up and she is apologizing profusely saying her friend visited her at work and she had her phone in the car and just lost track of time.

I say whatever, get home and call in the future. She tries a weak, "I didn't realize how late it was." plea but I just hang up.

The next day I mention to her that over this week she has blown me off twice this week, kinda the same way her friend did. Now I say that I know she didn't do it on purpose, much like I'm sure her friend didn't, but at the same time she did blow me off.

We had plans to meet up on Monday and I had to wait over 2 hours because she lost track of time. The next day I stayed up late because she got wrapped up gossiping with her friend and didn't think to call me back.

Of course neither of these are her fault and she said that those events are nothing like what she went through with her friend.

I love my wife but this is the thing that drives me nuts about her. She can never admit fault. Nothing is ever her fault, but I can admit fault.

I don't admit fault just to admit it, I do it because if I fuck up then I own up to it.

Drives me nuts.

Coming up next...

The cruise I'm not going on.

What happened to tag....?

Between head wounds and broken toes, I've neglected you dear blog readers. If it's an consolation I am also finally recovering from a week long bout of acute bronchitis.

I had called in sick with a fever last Monday. On Mondays my wife has to be at work for 7 AM and I have to be at work for 6 AM. Since she starts later than me she drops the boy off with the baby sitter.

She hates this. She never leaves the house early enough and always ends up being like 5 minutes late for work.

When I called in sick she looked at it like a gift from God. She tells me that the roads are really bad and she is running late so she is going to leave the boy with me.

We still have to pay the babysitter. We're not saving money by not dropping him off. I can barely walk and barely talk and just really need to sleep so it makes perfect sense to leave a two and a half year old with me right?

If she had taken him that day I would have been able to sleep most of the day and just let my antibiotics do what they were supposed to. Instead I was up at 7 am and watching Bob the Builder and picking up pieces of my lungs as I made sure the boy didn't set fire to the house. I had to miss 3 days of work when I probably could have been good to go with that one day of rest.

Marriage...it's a partnership as long as your wife is happy!!

Back to the topic at hand though. A few weeks ago I took the boy and the dog to the park for some soccer.

We loves us some soccer in the Pavao house, that and Weezer.

So the deal is the boy and I play soccer with the dog for a bit and tire him out, then the boy hits the swings and the slides.

It works for us.


Well we cut this trip a bit short. As we are playing soccer there are some girls about 10-12 years old playing in the playground area. They look like they are playing tag but with a twist. Everytime someone is tagged as "it" the tagger yells "Now you're the black girl!!"

What

the

fuck?

You are now the black girl? Once someone is the black girl they run away from her because no one wants to be the black girl?

I don't live in a white neighborhood. There are hispanic and asian kids always playing at the park. There are black kids too and these girls weren't white.

I've never heard anything like that in my life, especially from kids that young.

We just finished up our game of soccer and went home. The boy was tired so I got to play some Dead Rising (I love me some zombies) on my xbox.

Toe Ties and Staples.....

Wednesday was my birthday and it sucked.

It was fine until I broke my toe. I was reading a book and my wife mentioned that my son needed a diaper change. I said I would do it, but I just wanted to finish the page I was on. My wife gets up and heads to go upstairs.

This drives me nuts. If I don't move fast enough for her she gets up to do it herself. In this case she couldn't wait the 20 seconds for me to finish my page.

So I see this and rush up. Doing this causes me to slam my toe against my wrought iron and stone coffee table.

It hurt. I limped upstairs and changed the boy.

The boy is running around so of course my wife decides to give him some chocolate. He takes a huge bite of it, walks to my leather couch and spits out half eaten chocolate.

This can't end well.

I am on the phone with my dad who is wishing me a happy birthday and my wife is in the bathroom with my son. She doesn't point his head at the toilet. She points it at the side of it.

He pukes all over the side of and behind my toilet.

The wife tells me to get off the phone to help. She says that "I can't deal with this puke, can you?"

So lets recap.

Messed up toe.

It's my birthday.

Scrubbing puke off of a toilet.

Suffice it to say I went to bed early.

The next day I am limping fairly badly. I am at work and have to look at one of the servers in the lab.

The server is on the bottom of the rack so I had to kneel down to look at it. I got up awkwardly because of the bad foot and hit my head.

I didn't just hit it, I felt whatever I hit dig into my skull.

I get up and feel my head.

I sure am bleeding a lot suddenly.

It is about 10 am. 31 has not been a good year for me and I am about 32 hours into that year.

I go to the bathroom and get a wet towel to try to stop the bleeding. Eventually my head clots up but my boss forces me to go to the ER.

Apparently a head wound isn't that serious for the ER so I get to wait for almost 3 hours before they take me.

I get a needle to my head to numb it up (This hurt worse than hitting my head), and then I get 4 staples in my head.

The staples hurt like a mofo. It really felt like I hadn't even been numbed up. The docter decided to look at my foot since I was already being examined and tells me I broke my big toe. She tapes it up.

Life rules.

By the time I get out of the ER I have to get my son. We come home and I just sit and relax. I called into work the next day because lets face it, I'd probably get shot in the arm with the way my luck was going.

It is now Monday and my head still hurts because I forget there are staples in it and I accidentally touch them when my head gets itchy.

Yea not as much fun as my 21st.

From myspace with love....

I posted this orignally on myspce so if it sounds weird it's because I was writing to a different audience.





My job is very odd. I have girls talking about the breast implants they are getting. These same girls have 3 kids and are in their mid 20's and party like fucking rockstars every Thursday night.
That is another story for another time.

This is the story of the dude who really really wishes he was a Knight.
A knight like fucking Lancelot. This guy I work with is kind of a tool (this will be a trend in future posts) and tends to be rather condescending in all interactions I have had with him.
I consider myself to be very lucky to have the job I have because I really feel like I am faking it. I feel like I don't know enough about my field to warrant what I make, so I tend to think that colleagues know more than I do.
This ain't true kids. Most people know just enough to get by.
That was a bit off topic, but anyway this guy seems like he knows a lot. He does, but he doesn't know what I know and I don't know what he knows. The difference between us is that I don't treat people like morons when they don't know what I do.

This guy does. He is just so fucking smug. Since I'm new here I don't really have a lay of the land and I don't know who this guy is friends with. He walks around and when he talks he stretches out his words in such a way that he is trying to sound smarter than you. He ends every sentence with "Right?"

I kinda hate him.

Anyway I was working in the lab on something with my friend Tim and he brings up that smug bastard and how he isn't a fan of him. I relate my times with him as well. Once it's established that we aren't fans, Tim drops the coup de grace:
The dude makes his own armor and role plays as a knight. He is probably 36 or 37. Hey I read comics. I'm not here to really judge, but the kicker is that Tim knew this because:
1) The guy has his fake sword hanging in his cube.
2) He had all of his buddies meet him in the work parking lot at lunch time to sword fight.

Tim was heading to lunch last spring and he heard some people yelling. He looked and in the middle of the parking lot this guy and all of his buddies were beating the shit out of themselves with wooden swords.
Cry for attention table for one please.
So the smugness is explained. He was one of those dudes who if he didn't have this to hold onto, he would probably be applying lipstick and looking for a bell tower with a high powered rifle. I never noticed the fake sword, but since I have to be in the office at 5 am I decided to check his cube out.

Not only is there a wooden sword there, but he also has a picture of about 500 dudes dressed in made up armor and fighting. It looks like fucking Braveheart. He also has two dumbells in there too.

I find that hilarious. I am picturing him kissing the picture while doing curls.
Now I don't think I will worry about his smugness anymore. If he gets smart with me I'll just pop off with:

"King Arthur was a fag....that's right I said it."