Clay Aiken Fans are stupid...

I am just shocked!! Clay Aiken is gay!! Can you believe it? Well I can believe it.

His fans, unfortunately are having a harder time with it. They feel like they have been ripped off and are now pursuing legal action.

Come on guys!! His album was called "The measure of a man"!! I would always add "in his mouth." whenever my wife wanted to hear that album. She as a fan did not see my humor as funny as I did. Ahh well that's the story of our marriage. I am the crass immature one and she rolls her eyes but wouldn't have me change.

Anywho...back on topic. We're not talking about Rock Hudson people. That was a shock. Clay Aiken does not scream of masculinity.

Lets compare.

Clay Aiken:

Rock Hudson:

It's like night and day huh? Can't you see how people were shocked when this dude was found out to be gay?

No huh?

Ok so maybe that's not the best picture of Rock Hudson, but I thought it was a fucking riot.

I've kinda lost focus on this one, but the fact remains Clay Aiken fans are stupid.

Instant Karma is gonna get you....

Remember when I was talking about my shitbag brother in law? Well in December he had lent me about 30 dollars in comics. I'm not someone who likes to borrow peoples stuff for a long time. When I am done with it I like to just give it back.

I've emailed the brother in law asking if he wants me to mail it to him. He said not to. He said he will see me eventually.

Yea that doesn't work for me. I don't like being responsible for peoples things.

Yesterday I had an epiphany.

I'll just give the books to my father in law. That way my father in law has something of his. I mean it's not nearly worth the 8 grand my brother in law fucked his dad on, but it's something.

When he eventually asks for his books I can't wait to see the look on his face when I tell him I gave them to his dad.

He is a piece of shit.

Fuck Fuck Fuck...

Each day I get closer to this family trip to Aruba. Each day I dread it more. I've talked about this in my old blog, but I really really don't like my parents friends.

My mom said that the two people who are getting married will have an itinerary for everyone there with a bunch of fun activities. I was like "Yea I'll skip that." She was just like "It's more for everyone so they know what they can do."

I hate this. There are certain things about me that I have come to realize that I just can't change.

1.) If you get me a present that has no thought into it, I will irrationally hate you.

2.) If I don't like people I can't fake it and pretend to have a good time. I just can't.

I can't pretend to have a good time and I feel like I am not going to have a good time on this trip.

Everyone gets pissed at me and it drives me nuts. After 29 years they should know who I am.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. I know I am going to have a shitty time on this trip. I am so pissed. I wish I had stuck to my gut instinct and said no to going.

I mentioned this again to the wife and she was like "Well why didn't you say you didn't want to go?" I mentioned how she had wanted to go and got the: "Don't drag me into this."

Yea honey convenient excuse once the tickets are bought.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

18 wheels and still an asshole behind the wheel....

I am driving in the high speed lane this morning on my way to work and this big lumber truck in the center lane is coming up behind me. No problems...he is in his own lane and I am in mine.

The problem occurs when he comes up beside me and starts pulling into my lane. I am in a focus.

He is in a truck that is about 6 times the size of my car and about 20 times the weight.

Why do mornings start out like this?


I blare the horn for what feels like forever and he jerks back into his lane and does the "I'm gonna slow down so you move ahead and I don't have to look and look like a retard." move.

I am pissed. I move into the right lane and sloww down until he is even with me. I get his company name and number and his license number.

I feel like calling his business but I think that would be a pussy thing to do.

Instead I will fume.

I yell because people don't listen...

While I was on vacation in December the boy changed his behavior for the worst. He would wake up crying at 3 AM and wouldn't go back to sleep unless he was in our bed.

This was ok for a night or two, but it was turning into a thing. It's very hard to sleep with a one and a half year old in your bed. You are never truly asleep because you are afraid you are gonna roll over on the child and smother them.

So we needed to do something. The old routine was we would give him a bottle of water and hold him until he fell asleep. He only had a bottle when it was time to sleep and it was always water. He would use cups during the day.

We kicked the bottle to the curb and gave him his bath right before bed time. Once out of the bath he would put on his pajamas and grab his blanket. We would then all go downstairs and he would be wrapped up in his blanket and sit on the couch on his own. He was out in like 5 minutes.


We had found a system that worked. We tweaked it for a bit. At first we would hold him in the blanket, but we found that he tended to wake up at night when we did that, so we went with him sitting on his own. So for the past month it's been great. He sleeps from like 7:30 until 6 am. It's just like how he used to sleep.

Now comes where I have to yell. Since Valentines day was on a Tuesday and since the wife and I never get to go out, my folks volunteered to take the boy last weekend. They took him on Friday, giving us two free nights to relax and go out.

We had planned this for about 3 weeks. During those three weeks I called my mother repeatedly and ran her through the sleeping routine. I specifically told her to

1) Do not let him sleep in your bed.

and

2) When you are putting him to sleep let him fall asleep on his own and don't hold him.

These are big points. He can fall asleep without the bath, but letting him sleep in their bed and holding him as he fell asleep were going to make it hard for us.

I call my folks on Saturday morning to see how he did.

Mom: "He woke up around 3 am, but I changed him and he went back to bed."

Me: "He woke up? How did you let him go to sleep?"

Mom "Well Dad wanted to hold him because he got in late and didn't get to play with him, but once he was held he kept squirming, so we let him sleep on his own."

Me: "Why did you have dad hold him?"

Mom: "No it's ok..he didn't want to be held so it's fine."

Me: "No, mom, it's not 'fine'. I told you not to do that. Actually I remember telling you for a few weeks not to do that. What if he did let dad hold him? What if it took us another month to get him to sleep through the night because of that?"

Mom: "Jay you can't go on what ifs. He didn't sleep in dads arms, it's no big deal."

(At this point I am yelling)

Me: "It is a big deal. The big deal is he is my son and this is how we put him to sleep. The big deal is that you didn't listen to me. The big deal is you aren't the one who has to get up at 3 am on a workday for a crying baby!"

She just got really quiet. She then said "You don't have to worry. I won't do that again." Her tone was sounding like I was the bad guy.

This shit drives me nuts. I tell people, specifically my mother and grandmother, how I want my son dealt with and they ignore me. When they ignore me I flip out on them and everyone tells me to calm down!

How about you fucking listen and I don't need to flip out?

The wife says I am condescending. I tell her that it seems like the only time they listen is when I yell.

For example, I am first generation Portguese. My grandmother is crazy about the boy...but the way she shows it is to squeeze him and hold him tight and even nibble on him.

I remember this as a kid and it was not a fun way of having love expressed. As an adult I know she just is crazy about the kid and wants to just hold him tight. As her grandson and as the boys parent it pisses me off.

This was especially true when the boy was a newborn. I would tell her to be calm with him and she would flip out saying I was being anal. The whole fam would tell me I needed to relax and then she would show her love to the boy and he would flip out.

Why? Because being bitten squeezed and scratched fucking HURTS! Then I would yell and tell her to back off. I would say you can hold the boy but just be gentle. She would go to the other end of the room and pout saying that she didn't want to hurt him.

I would express my feelings to my mom. She said that her mom would never hurt the boy, and that actually my son was a little whiny because he wasn't used to a lot of people.

I was like what the fuck are you talking about? My son is fine around a lot of people. It's when there is a 72 year old woman with 8 inch finger nails coming at him that he freaks out.

I was annoyed to say the least. What really gets me is that they don't see my point. They think I am over reacting.

Even if I am, he is my son and what I say goes. There shouldn't be any argument.

In about two months I am going to Aruba with my parents and my brother and his girlfriend. I have a feeling it will not be an enjoyable trip for me. I think I will lose it a few times with my mom.

I should have said no when they offered the trip.

dude don't fucking talk to me....

I'm at my local Newbury Comics on lunch break last Wednesday. I never take lunch, but I like to go there on Wednesday to see what new comics have come in.

Let me reiterate:

I don't talk comics with other people. I don't point out art to my wife and say "Isn't this cool?"
I've been reading comics since I was a kid and that's really all there is. It's just something I do.

I also hate when strangers talk to me about comics. Just because I am standing in the comics section doesn't make me part of some unspoken brotherhood.

I'm lone wolf in this shit.

So last week I am flipping through some of the books I will be getting and this Silent Bob lookalike comes up. I move over so he can see the new books as well.

This is what happens:

Silent Bob: "OOOHHH Bukaroo Banzai!!"

I can feel him looking at me. He wants me to join in his fanboygasm with him. At the very least he is looking for a knowing nod.

I don't oblige.

Instead I bury my head deeper into the book I was looking at. SB doesn't get the hint. He starts flipping through his Bukaroo Banzai book.

Silent Bob: "Well this is lame, there's only like three pages of art and like twenty pages of ads...HUHH!"

Once again looking for validation from me. Once again denied by me.

He leaves.

I am minding my own fucking business and this douchebag wants to talk to a complete stranger about Bukaroo Fucking Banzai? Even if I knew what the fuck he was talking about* I don't fucking want to talk about comics to a stranger.

People annoy me. I have to just ignore them and breathe. That's it. Just breathe.

Christ that doesn't help. I need to live on an island with cable, internet and a gym. I will be happy then.


*For the record I have no idea who or what Bukaroo Banzai is.

Love hurts...

So the boy and I are playing a game. He takes the dogs ball and runs away with it. The dog follows him and the boy runs towards me and tries to go through my legs to get behind me. He is laughing the whole time. It's fun because he gets so excited. So yesterday I am on the phone with my grandmother and he is playing said game. I am wearing pajama pants. The boy does the run towards me. He is excited as before. Pajama pants are of a thin material. As the boy tries to go through my legs his little fingers grab and pinch my scrotum.

I'm on the phone with my grandmother and my kid just attacked the baby maker.

I told grandma I would call her back.

Then I cried.

First impressions...or if your mom has a goatee she's probably not that great a parent...

I have been out sick from work for the past 2 days. Yesterday, the first day I was out sick, my wife mentioned phone problems.

We have Vonage, the voice over the internet phone. I love it. It is cheap as hell and the quality is fine. At least it was fine until people couldn't hear us when we called them. Long story short, I got the problem fixed in the short term, but found that my cable modem was old and I needed to get a new one.

My wife is away at work, so I pack up the old cable modem and the boy and take a drive to my local Comcast. There is a woman in line ahead of me and there is a couple already being serviced. This couple is kinda...hmm how do I put this tactfully...?

They are dirty fucking people. They look disgusting. Their clothes are dirty. They look like they haven't showered. I would wager to guess that they smelled bad.

They were dirty.

They had a little boy with them. This boy was about my sons height.

The woman in front of me asked how old my son was. I told her that he was a year and a half. Dirty couple must have heard me. Their son was crawling through his dads legs. The dad was trying to talk with the clerk and this kid was all over him. Once he didn't get any attention from his dad he decided to lay on the floor and roll around. He was rubbing his head on the carpet that people wiped their feet on. He was rolling all over the floor.

The whole time my kid is standing there holding my hand laughing his ass off. The dirty mom finally takes enough time from her own stench to say "Stop doing that Hunter. That boy is younger than you and he is behaving. You are going to teach him bad habits." She then looks at me and smiles.

It's then that I get a good look at her face.

She has a goatee. She looked like my face after not shaving for like six days. It was disgusting. I mean I get that women sometimes have mustaches and they need to be taken care of, but to not take care of a goatee? Jesus.

So gross.

As soon as she said that her kid was gonna teach my kid bad habits I just laughed and thought "No bitch...my kid won't learn those bad habits. I'm what you call an 'active parent' look it up."

So we finally get to a representative and my son is acting up. He actually slaps my hand away. I take his hand and slap it and tell him "You don't hit." The lady who was helping me stared at me.

It didn't occur to me that she probably thought I was a horrible father for slapping my sons' hand.

I honestly could care less. A slap on the and or the wrist or even on the cheek is better than raising a monster who thinks they can just run around in a business or rub his body all over a floor.

I want my kids to grow up to be respectable adults. If that means a slap here and there....so be it.

You dumb bitch....

So I am in this online class. I have mentioned it a few times. It is a joke. We have a quiz a week. We have from Monday at 8 am until Friday at noon to take our quiz. You can copy a self test and use the correct answers on your quiz. There is no reason you should not get 100 on every quiz. Hell with a week to take it you shouldn't have any reason to miss the quiz.

We have a message board too. We can discuss problems or post questions on it. I log into it on Friday night around 7 PM. There is a frantic post that goes a little something like this:

"I am sitting here screaming, pounding the table and ready to shoot myself in the head because I thought I had til midnight to do that test. and now it's gone."

You dumb bitch. The syllabus and the Professors announcements clearly state that quizzes are taken down by 12 PM on Friday. On top of it, this broad is so stupid. If it was Midnight on Friday wouldn't it be 12 AM, as in 12 hours before noon? Since it was the first quiz we actually had 2 weeks to get this done and she still waited until the last minute.

I hope she does this every week. It keeps me entertained.

I've hit the wall..

I am fucking swamped. I have the boy who is running around like there is speed in the food we are giving him. I am in this geology class online. Not fun. Work is kicking my ass as well. They want us to get some training. the thing is we have to pick it.

This is odd to me. If they want me to get training and get certified in something, then shouldn't they be the ones telling me what classes I can take?

Instead I have to find a class and ask if I can take it. If they say no then I have to find another class and ask if I can take that one...and so on.

Why wouldn't they just have a list of classes I can take, or better yet just schedule training for us?

Personally I don't want to get training. If it's during work hours then fine, but my day is taken up right after work up until it's time to sleep. I have to pick up the kid and take him home. I have to feed him and maybe get some reading done while he is taking a bath.

Time is a commodity and I get annoyed when work expects to pile on ways to take that commodity away. It's nice that they want me to get certifications, but they won't help me do my job any better. It's not like I am getting a raise if I get this certification.

Frankly this is just a job to me. One that pays ok but still a job.

I haven't had a raise in four years. I stay here because it is close to where my in laws are and it is near my school. I am planning on going into teaching once I graduate (sometime in 2050) and what I want to teach has nothing to do with what I do now.

It's just annoying.

You want me to get certified, then lay out a career path and classes that go with it. This "pick it yourself" crap is just unprofessional and I don't have the time to deal with it.

There are things I would much rather do.

Oh get this. This online geology class I am in is a joke. We have a quiz every week. The quizzes coincide with the chapters I am assigned. I take the quizzes online and once I open it I only have 15 minutes to complete it.

The best part is there are practice quizzes that I can take online as well. I can take them as many times as I want. It shows me what I got right and what I got wrong. The order of the questions gets jumbled each time, but the questions are always the same.

So once I take the practice quiz a few times and figure out all the right answers, I print it out.
Then I take the regular quiz and just use the correct answers from my practice quiz to get a 100 on the regular quiz.

Nothing like higher education.