I've heard my wife complain about her mother being dramatic and trying to guilt her into things. I know parents hold a sway over you, so that is why I took the lead on telling my mother in law that I didn't want her boyfriend at the hospital.
As of yesterday I joined the drama club. I was hot as fuck. I had just gotten done mowing the lawn and watering the grass. I was sitting down with the burgers I just grilled and getting ready to watch some "John from Cincinnati" (A strangely watchable show) when the phone rings.
I never answer the phone but when I saw the caller ID and recognized my mother in laws number I knew I had to answer it. I didn't want her to think I was afraid to talk to her.
When I answered the phone she wanted me to give her a reason why I didn't want to have her boyfriend at the hospital.
The real reason is he is a creepy creepy man who I hate seeing with my current son and I don't want him anywhere near the new one either, but I didn't want to go off and make things weird for my wife and her mom.
I just told her that like I had said in my email, I didn't know him very well and I only wanted close friends and family there. She then countered by saying he has been in her life for over a year. I told her that while that may be true I had only met him a few times and didn't want him there.
I never backed down from telling her that he was not welcome. My only ambiguity was the reason why, but not once did I falter or make myself seem remorseful about my decision.
A little side note:
When we found out the sex of the baby it was discovered that the umbilical cord had a single umbilical artery. Most cords have two arteries and one vein. Our baby had one artery and one vein. This is fairly common and just like having two hands, eyes and ears, the second artery is a backup.
As a result of this they just monitored my wife and the baby a little closer, but there have been no issues.
Back to the post.
So my mother in law starts crying on the phone saying that with all of the complications that my wife has gone through (see above) her and her boyfriend had been praying for my wife and son and myself. Her quote was "But we prayed for you."
So does prayer get you admissions to maternity wards now?
Was there a memo about that somewhere? I'm not an especially religious person. Most days I doubt that there is a God. Her telling me she prayed for me and the inference that because her boyfriend did that then I should allow him to see my wife and child kind of pissed me off.
I told her to tell her bf thanks for the prayers but still nothing was going to change. He was not invited. I said only friends and family. She then comes back with "Well he is my family." I told her that I was happy for her but that still doesn't make him my family.
This woman sent me and email saying she respected my wishes yet here she is trying to use every guilty tool at her disposal to make me change my mind. I thought the whole thing was funny.
She then went on to say what a wonderful guy her BF was and how he looked so hurt when she told him I didn't want him there. He was so looking forward to being there.
Now if she really loved this guy do you think she would have said something like that? She couldn't have spared his feelings by saying that they only allowed immediate family or something? She said this to guilt me. I told her that while I was sorry her bf felt slighted that it wasn't anything personal, I just didn't know the guy.
She started crying again.
She was like I just wanted to clear the air. I told her she was more than welcome to call any time she wanted to discuss this but nothing was going to make me change my mind. She said bye and I got off the phone.
Now it's mighty presumptuous of her to assume she can just come to the hospital with this guy anyway. I didn't feel bad once during the call and I actually feel pretty great about it right now.
I see her tomorrow and I have a feeling that will be round 2.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Untitled....
My baby should be born in about three weeks.
Being a parent is a really funny thing. You never really understand how protective you are until you have a child. I'm constantly thinking about my son and how to keep him safe. Lately those thoughts have been moving towards my unborn son as well.
My mother in law has a boyfriend that I don't like. I think I've mentioned him before. He wears ball hugger shorts and tank tops to family gatherings. He shows up at Easter wearing a name badge for some group he is part of in an attempt to have someone ask him about it.
Just blatant cries for attention.
I don't like him around my son. I don't know the guy and he is overly comfortable around him. I'm not saying that in a way that my son doesn't like him. I mean he is a man who I don't know who seems feel like he can play with my son like he has known him and me for years.
I understand that he wants to try to fit in to the family, but fit in with someone else's kid. He likes to take pictures with his camera phone.
It's just very creepy, but nothing really out of the ordinary.
He' just odd.
Back to baby #2.
We're going to have a private room after the baby is born. I only want my family and close friends there to visit my wife.
As a husband and a father its my responsibility to make sure my wife and child feel comfortable.
I need to feel comfortable too.
My oldest is at a point where if he doesn't want to play with you then he can just walk away.
A newborn doesn't have that luxury.
I don't want my mother in laws boyfriend at the hospital. I don't want him in his ball huggers hodling my infant son. I don't want him whipping out his camera phone and snapping pictures of him.
I want to remember my sons birth as a time when we were surrounded by people we wanted there.
I have been telling my wife this for awhile. She has kinda been listening but not really doing anything about it.
Our parents will always have a power over us. I understand that. She didn't want to offend or get into it with her mom. She wanted to just let it slide and then move on when they left.
I didn't.
I pulled her aside and told her that it wasn't going to happen. I didn't want the mother in laws boyfriend there and there really wasn't anything that was going to let it happen.
I explained to her the reasons why I felt that way and told her I had no problem telling her myself. My mother in law may have some power over my wife, but she has none over me.
I do know my mother in law though and she tries to twist things so that they look like she is the victim.
To me I find it somewhat offensive that she would assume to bring her boyfriend to see my baby without checking with me. To her she thinks because he is her boyfriend he should come. thats fine, but this is not a boyfriend of 2 years or so. I've only met him about three times and as I mentioned I'm not a fan.
So I sent the mother in law an email telling her how excited we were about having her meet the new baby. I then said that because I didn't know him well enough, I didn't want her boyfriend there.
She replied that she was saddened and that her boyfriend is:
"a wonderful, kind and loving person and I hope that someday both of you will come to know that for yourselves."
She did say that she would respect my wishes though. I stressed that this was all my decision. She did CC my wife in the email though. I think that was her way of trying to get her involved. Like I hadn't gone over this with my wife and I was doing all of this behind her back.
Its so funny. First of all this is my kid. I don't care how saddened she is. Its my kid. I may not like your boyfriend but I don't skip family getherings because he is there. Its family and you deal with it.
When my kid is born I make the rules. We're going to have a party for the baby a few weeks after he is born and the mom in laws BF can show up then.
He's not family. He'll never be a step grandfather. He will never be anything to my son other than his grandmothers boyfriend. I will always be cordial and have my son be respectful, but there are no life lessons that this can or will ever teach him.
Being a parent is a really funny thing. You never really understand how protective you are until you have a child. I'm constantly thinking about my son and how to keep him safe. Lately those thoughts have been moving towards my unborn son as well.
My mother in law has a boyfriend that I don't like. I think I've mentioned him before. He wears ball hugger shorts and tank tops to family gatherings. He shows up at Easter wearing a name badge for some group he is part of in an attempt to have someone ask him about it.
Just blatant cries for attention.
I don't like him around my son. I don't know the guy and he is overly comfortable around him. I'm not saying that in a way that my son doesn't like him. I mean he is a man who I don't know who seems feel like he can play with my son like he has known him and me for years.
I understand that he wants to try to fit in to the family, but fit in with someone else's kid. He likes to take pictures with his camera phone.
It's just very creepy, but nothing really out of the ordinary.
He' just odd.
Back to baby #2.
We're going to have a private room after the baby is born. I only want my family and close friends there to visit my wife.
As a husband and a father its my responsibility to make sure my wife and child feel comfortable.
I need to feel comfortable too.
My oldest is at a point where if he doesn't want to play with you then he can just walk away.
A newborn doesn't have that luxury.
I don't want my mother in laws boyfriend at the hospital. I don't want him in his ball huggers hodling my infant son. I don't want him whipping out his camera phone and snapping pictures of him.
I want to remember my sons birth as a time when we were surrounded by people we wanted there.
I have been telling my wife this for awhile. She has kinda been listening but not really doing anything about it.
Our parents will always have a power over us. I understand that. She didn't want to offend or get into it with her mom. She wanted to just let it slide and then move on when they left.
I didn't.
I pulled her aside and told her that it wasn't going to happen. I didn't want the mother in laws boyfriend there and there really wasn't anything that was going to let it happen.
I explained to her the reasons why I felt that way and told her I had no problem telling her myself. My mother in law may have some power over my wife, but she has none over me.
I do know my mother in law though and she tries to twist things so that they look like she is the victim.
To me I find it somewhat offensive that she would assume to bring her boyfriend to see my baby without checking with me. To her she thinks because he is her boyfriend he should come. thats fine, but this is not a boyfriend of 2 years or so. I've only met him about three times and as I mentioned I'm not a fan.
So I sent the mother in law an email telling her how excited we were about having her meet the new baby. I then said that because I didn't know him well enough, I didn't want her boyfriend there.
She replied that she was saddened and that her boyfriend is:
"a wonderful, kind and loving person and I hope that someday both of you will come to know that for yourselves."
She did say that she would respect my wishes though. I stressed that this was all my decision. She did CC my wife in the email though. I think that was her way of trying to get her involved. Like I hadn't gone over this with my wife and I was doing all of this behind her back.
Its so funny. First of all this is my kid. I don't care how saddened she is. Its my kid. I may not like your boyfriend but I don't skip family getherings because he is there. Its family and you deal with it.
When my kid is born I make the rules. We're going to have a party for the baby a few weeks after he is born and the mom in laws BF can show up then.
He's not family. He'll never be a step grandfather. He will never be anything to my son other than his grandmothers boyfriend. I will always be cordial and have my son be respectful, but there are no life lessons that this can or will ever teach him.