If this was me talking I'd be fired....

So the lady who will do anything but 3 things in bed has gotten her friend hired here. Her friend looks just as dirty as my co worker sounds. She all but confirmed it by wearing an all denim outfit including short shorts the other day. It was a DEFINITE when she came in on Friday wearing jeans with rips on the ass.


It fucking follows me. I'm no slave to fashion, but I don't wear clubbing clothes to work.
Now we know the lady I work with is dirty, so it makes sense that a friend would be just as dirty. I mean it's not like they met each other at a library.

They probably met at an orgy.

I can see it now:

"Wow you really went to town on that black dude!!"
"Thanks! I was pretty impressed with your double pentration!"

Thus...a friendship is born.

Or so I imagine.

At work it's pretty loose. People swear and no one is stuffy, but we don't cross that line with the ladies. The line is when we say certain things to guys that we would be forced to see HR for if we said them to the ladies.

This does not apply when it is woman to woman I guess.

The lady I work (Cassie) with was at my cube for some reason and her friend (Kat) walks by.


Cassie says:
"You're walking kinda funny....must have been a good lunch huh?"

Kat says:
"Ha I wish!!"

I have never heard women talk like this at work. Man I couldn't fucking believe it. Basically saying her friend is walking like she got plowed like a field.
I love it. Forget everything negative I ever said about this place.
I'm really beginning to feel like this is home.

The crying game....

Not sure why I thought of this. I had a good friend when I was a teenager. This guy named Scott. Dude was a smart kid but lacking in common sense. He's married now and we don't talk a lot, but he's a great guy.


Example of how this guy was. One New Years Eve we were at a party at this awesome house. Place had a basketball court and an indoor pool. We are drunk off our ass and swimming. I look down in the pool on the deep end and I see Scott on the pool floor looking up at me. I dive down and pull him up. Once he catches his breath his drunk ass says "Thanks I forgot how to swim!"
Kid was funny like that. He ended up with a hangover and I ended up getting an awful blowjob from a drunk girl.


Not a good way to start the year off for either of us.

Scott and his dad used to race sailboats every Wednesday. One day he needed me to help. Apparently the guy who raced with him and his dad was out that week and they needed someone for the third spot. I've never sailed but whatever.
Scott made it an adventure. At that time we were both big into the first Ace Ventura. We would quote it all the time. Scott loved the scene where they played the "Crying Game" music and Ace burned his clothes and cried in the shower. So before we race we have to scrub the boat bottom. This meant getting into some filthy water and scrubbing. After we had to get cleaned up in public showers.


I'm not a fan of public showers. Not a fan of being naked in front of guys. So I go to the far end of the shower and Scott is on the other end.
All of a sudden I hear a wail. I look and I see Scott in the fetal position pretending to cry just like in Ace Ventura.

There really wasn't much to do except laugh. Nothing like a naked guy laughing his ass off at another naked guy who is crying.

What the fuck was wrong with me in my teenage years?

Christ on a cross! I'm drowning here.....

So work is umm not fun. The training I was in for the first 2 weeks has in no way prepared me for the work I am doing here. The 2 weeks I have actually been working have been less fun. With no training I am getting thrown cases to work on that I have zero clue on. This on top of more than half of my team either working from home or not working as a result of family crisis. The family crisis is something that is unavoidable, but the dudes working from home are kind of lame. I can see if you are having a delivery or its snowing, but there is no need to work from home for a week. The remaining 3 who were here dind't really offer much in the way of training or help and when they did I would show them a problem I was working on and they would slowly back away and tell me to work with the customer.


If these "seasoned veterans" can't help me with training then how the fuck am I supposed to help a customer? I'm kinda drowning here. We had a new hire on Monday. He worked with me at my last job and even he is like "what the fuck is going on here?" Makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one who feels that way. I'm not stupid but this company has like 10-20 products that I need to know cold and I am getting cases to work on when I don't know these products. There is no help except for a guy I used to work with. He is the best technical guy in our group. Of course being the best guy in our group he is pulled in different directions all the time. Not to mention he was out last week with a family crisis.
I can't wait to get up to speed and blow these guys out of the water.


"The Last Kiss" soundtrack is rocking my ipod and keeping me sane right now.

Lets hear it for the new guy!

So the good news is that I think I can get the hang of this job. The bad news is I don't know how often I'll be able to update the blog for awhile. This is my first week actually working. The past two weeks have been hardcore training.


The job is a job. Nothing great. The people are interesting as they tend to be around me. One in particular is a little passive aggressive single mom. She says things like "Hit the apply button, like I told you in that email I sent you." Except she has sent me about 50 emails. I'm supposed to figure out what she means. I've also heard that as far as sex goes anything goes with her. Well almost anything.

There are three no no's:

No anal.

If she is in a threesome with two dudes...then the two dudes cannot be hooking up with each other. Because that is just gross.

I have no idea what the third is, but trust me I will find out.

She will have a threesome with a dude and another girl and hook up with the girl, but two guys can't hook up?

Look I'm no proponent of hooking up with dudes but doesn't that seem like a bit of a double standard?

Also how is a mom of two teenagers having enough threesomes that she can lay ground rules like that?

The weirdness follows me man. It just fucking follows me.