From myspace with love....

I posted this orignally on myspce so if it sounds weird it's because I was writing to a different audience.





My job is very odd. I have girls talking about the breast implants they are getting. These same girls have 3 kids and are in their mid 20's and party like fucking rockstars every Thursday night.
That is another story for another time.

This is the story of the dude who really really wishes he was a Knight.
A knight like fucking Lancelot. This guy I work with is kind of a tool (this will be a trend in future posts) and tends to be rather condescending in all interactions I have had with him.
I consider myself to be very lucky to have the job I have because I really feel like I am faking it. I feel like I don't know enough about my field to warrant what I make, so I tend to think that colleagues know more than I do.
This ain't true kids. Most people know just enough to get by.
That was a bit off topic, but anyway this guy seems like he knows a lot. He does, but he doesn't know what I know and I don't know what he knows. The difference between us is that I don't treat people like morons when they don't know what I do.

This guy does. He is just so fucking smug. Since I'm new here I don't really have a lay of the land and I don't know who this guy is friends with. He walks around and when he talks he stretches out his words in such a way that he is trying to sound smarter than you. He ends every sentence with "Right?"

I kinda hate him.

Anyway I was working in the lab on something with my friend Tim and he brings up that smug bastard and how he isn't a fan of him. I relate my times with him as well. Once it's established that we aren't fans, Tim drops the coup de grace:
The dude makes his own armor and role plays as a knight. He is probably 36 or 37. Hey I read comics. I'm not here to really judge, but the kicker is that Tim knew this because:
1) The guy has his fake sword hanging in his cube.
2) He had all of his buddies meet him in the work parking lot at lunch time to sword fight.

Tim was heading to lunch last spring and he heard some people yelling. He looked and in the middle of the parking lot this guy and all of his buddies were beating the shit out of themselves with wooden swords.
Cry for attention table for one please.
So the smugness is explained. He was one of those dudes who if he didn't have this to hold onto, he would probably be applying lipstick and looking for a bell tower with a high powered rifle. I never noticed the fake sword, but since I have to be in the office at 5 am I decided to check his cube out.

Not only is there a wooden sword there, but he also has a picture of about 500 dudes dressed in made up armor and fighting. It looks like fucking Braveheart. He also has two dumbells in there too.

I find that hilarious. I am picturing him kissing the picture while doing curls.
Now I don't think I will worry about his smugness anymore. If he gets smart with me I'll just pop off with:

"King Arthur was a fag....that's right I said it."

Umm Oww....

I am sore as hell right now. All week we had spring weather and it was awesome.

Then Friday came and about a foot of snow came with it. I left work about 20 minutes early on Friday and renewed my license and got a haircut. When I got home at about 2:30 there was about 3 inches of snow down.

I figured I would take care of it real quick and shoveled the driveway.

No worries. The snow was pretty light and I was done in about 30 minutes.

It kept snowing. I became a little bit of snow and rain.

I'm not a fan of that. So it snowed all night and I went to bed.

I woke up to my phone ringing at about 10 am. My parents had my son for a few days and were on their way up.

That gave me 90 minutes to re-shovel the driveway. It was all ice now so this was really cutting it to the wire.

I can fit 9 cars in my driveway. This sucked. The snow/ice weighed so fucking much.

My back is killing me. It took me about 45 minutes just to get across my driveway opening. I finally decided just to shovel out a space that would fit my folks car and worked on a walkway to my door.

So my driveway was half shoveled and it looked awful. I didn't care. My back was killing me and I was really tired all weekend anyway.

Yesterday I took the boy in the backyard with his new sled and we played for about 30 minutes. I don't have snow boots and was wearing 3 year old Vans sneakers with rips in the rubber. These rips filled up with snow and that just plain sucked.

I love snow but am so ill prepared to play in it. This hasn't been a problem since I am in my 30's and playing in the snow hasn't really been in vogue for about 15 years or so.

Since having the boy I clearly need to re-evaluate this.

My father in law came over yesterday too and gave me his snowblower.

SCORE.

This took care of the rest of my driveway in about 10 minutes.

He is never getting it back. I don't care what he says. It's mine now.

Today the skunk guys are coming to my house to get rid of my black and white friends.

It only took about 400 dollars.

I'm not bitter about that at all.

My wife got a treadmill for Christmas and like all of my wife's fads, it has faded. I however am loving it. I almost did 4 miles in an hour and was able to maintain a full jog for the last 15 minutes.

I am quite pleased with myself.

Oh so Andrew quit. He got to the UK on a Saturday and bought cigarettes, a burger and a toothbrush.

He saw how much it cost and decided it was too expensive to live there.

Hey at least my company didn't pay for his visa, his plane ticket and 3 months rent to ge thim there right?

Oh wait they did.

This was just an excuse to not stay in the UK. He said he would go without checking with his girlfriend. He sent me an IM asking if I knew if anyone was hiring.

I told him there was an opening in our UK office.

I don't think he got the joke.

Sorry this blog was so scattered and not funny at all. It's been a busy few weeks and like I said I am sore. I am also tired.

The second boy is a day closer to keeping me up nights, but he and the wife are healthy so that is good.

Until next time.

Can I touch your new cans....?

Kat has a microwave in her cube that we all use to heat up lunches. I am heating my lunch up and this guy I work with comes up and says the most outragreous thing I have ever heard.

"Hey Kat when you get your breast implants I'm going to walk up to you and say 'There is something different about you, but I can't put my hands on it....or can I?'"

He then went on to have the longest phlegmiest (dude smokes like 2 packs a day) laugh I have ever heard.

He is in his late 40's-early 50's. Looks grubby. He is an ok guy, but we work in an office!

People have been slapped with sexual harassment for a lot less. Kat just let it roll off her back, but damn.

How is it I work in a place where a guy goes up to a woman and says he wants to feel her breasts after she gets implants, and I'm the only one who thinks its odd?

I'm no prude. I know guys talk, but to actually go and say that to a woman is insane.

He was joking, unless Kat let him feel her up in which case he totally wasn't, but isn't that a huge risk?

I don't work for Vivid video, this is an office. Am I just too uptight? I don't think that I am, but I was surprised as fuck when this guy said this.

I know Kat had told some guys they could feel them when she got the implants, but that is her perogative and it was outside of work.

I don't know man. It just weirded me out to be there when that dude said that.

Chick logic....

I might have another post later this week about the insanity and just plain "If I were working somewhere else everyone would probably be fired" week I've been having at the job, but I meant to post this last week and somehow got sidetracked.

Anyways, chick logic.

It's fucked. Women make no sense whatsoever. I am truly befuddled by women.

My wife and I are friends with this girl. Great looking girl. Super cool too.

She loves football, baseball, even has started ice fishing with this new guy she is seeing.

We'll get to the new guy in a bit.

So anyways this girl was seeing this asshole for like 8 years. It was a relationship of convenience. People who knew her didn't even know she had a boyfriend. I probably met him four times in the six years or so I've known this girl.


Guys were hittting on her all the time not knowing she had a boyfriend.

Anyways this boyfriend was a dick.

Example:

A few summers ago my wife and I go on a little weekend summer vacation with them. We went to Maine I think. It was actually the weekend of this girls birthday. One day my wife and the girl want to go shopping.

Me and the boyfriend aren't into it so we grab lunch and see a movie or something. the next day is her birthday. She wants to go shopping.


Again I'm not into it but it's her birthday so I go along.

Her boyfriend stays in the room.

Classy.

So eventually she dumps this guy and embraces single life. She is meeting dudes and going out with them. Hooking up and having fun.

God for her. She's finally getting some.

She gets out of that phase of the one nighters and just having fun and is looking for something substantial.

She thinks she has found it with this guy. I haven't met him yet but my wife has and he seems like a nice guy. My wife was saying that she was taking it slow and hasn't slept with this guy because:

"She really likes him."

This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

She can hook up and bang dudes she doesn't really care about, but when she meets a guy she really likes the legs get closed.

Fucking chick logic.

I just don't get it. You like the guy. You want to be with him. You (presumably) want to sleep with him, but are denying him from sex because you REALLY LIKE HIM?

That is so dumb it makes retards look like geniuses.