"The pharmacy is open!"
I heard this about 20 times in Aruba. This is code for "Yo buy drugs from me dawg!" The first time I heard it I was with my dad looking for a steak sub. My dad told me about this great steak place that was about a 45 minute bus ride from our hotel. We get there and of course the place was closed on Sunday.
Awesome.
Even better was finding out that the bus didn't show up for another hour. PoPs and I hit a bar across the street.
We met this smoking hot Chinese girl. We also found out that she was basically sold to the bar owner.
Yes folks the upcoming economic power in the 21st century still deals in slavery. She had lived in Aruba for about a year. She hated it there and missed her mother. She didn't seem overly upset, but she did seem somewhat melancholy. It took about 5 minutes to get an Amstel. She understood english, but the accent created a problem.
It was such an odd day.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
A line of coke....a Camaro...and Evil Knievel's granddaughter?
I'm back.
My nose is sunburnt. Everything else is tan. Well everything except for where I wore my shorts.
Everything leading except the last tow days was great. The contact with the other family was minimal. I think they got the hint. It only took 30 years.
Most of our nights were spent at Carlos and Charlies. It wasn't until maybe 5 days into going there, did I realize that this was the last bar Natalee Holloway went to.
Let me just say, this bar has rape and murder written all over it. It is the lat bar on a dimly lit alley. There is a side alley where you can just picture someone raping or murdering someone and no one even noticing. It is mad sketchy.
Other than that though I liked it. The beers were cheap and I had a blast. The wife and I would usually go with my brother and his friends.
One night there my brother friend comes up and screams in my ear:
"I just did a line of coke with some mexicans in the bathroom"
After that nothing really surprised me.
The bar closed at 1 during the week, so we went to another bar afterwards. As the second bar was closing, my brothers friend who made nice with the mexicans was talking to a girl.
We went to grab him to let him know we were leaving. He told us he would get home on his own.
What a story.
The girl worked at the Aruban newspaper. She had a boyfriend she missed. Boyfriend was in Amsterdam. My brothers friend was in Aruba with her.
They hopped in her camaro and drove to some beach and umm enjoyed each others company until about 6 am. I'm too much of a gentleman (he fucked the shit out of her) to say what happened beyond that.
We landed on a Friday. Two of my brothers friends landed on Saturday, and the third landed on Sunday.
This last guy was a really nice guy. He used to be a model. To prove how good looking this kid was, he comes to the hotel bar, and ordered a Corona. Before he can finish his first beer, there is a bucket of Coronas sent to him from some lady.
That lady, we found out a few days later, was Evil Knieval's granddaughter. She is about 20 and is from Chicago, but lives in LA and is trying to cut an album. I made a deal with her.
If she would read my fan mail, then I would read hers.
The big draw about this chick was that she is somehow related to Adam Vinatieri. He was the kicker for the Patriots until he defected to the Colts. I tried to get her to convince him to come back, but I don't think it worked.
Well I have a ton of work to catch up on. I will write more later.
My nose is sunburnt. Everything else is tan. Well everything except for where I wore my shorts.
Everything leading except the last tow days was great. The contact with the other family was minimal. I think they got the hint. It only took 30 years.
Most of our nights were spent at Carlos and Charlies. It wasn't until maybe 5 days into going there, did I realize that this was the last bar Natalee Holloway went to.
Let me just say, this bar has rape and murder written all over it. It is the lat bar on a dimly lit alley. There is a side alley where you can just picture someone raping or murdering someone and no one even noticing. It is mad sketchy.
Other than that though I liked it. The beers were cheap and I had a blast. The wife and I would usually go with my brother and his friends.
One night there my brother friend comes up and screams in my ear:
"I just did a line of coke with some mexicans in the bathroom"
After that nothing really surprised me.
The bar closed at 1 during the week, so we went to another bar afterwards. As the second bar was closing, my brothers friend who made nice with the mexicans was talking to a girl.
We went to grab him to let him know we were leaving. He told us he would get home on his own.
What a story.
The girl worked at the Aruban newspaper. She had a boyfriend she missed. Boyfriend was in Amsterdam. My brothers friend was in Aruba with her.
They hopped in her camaro and drove to some beach and umm enjoyed each others company until about 6 am. I'm too much of a gentleman (he fucked the shit out of her) to say what happened beyond that.
We landed on a Friday. Two of my brothers friends landed on Saturday, and the third landed on Sunday.
This last guy was a really nice guy. He used to be a model. To prove how good looking this kid was, he comes to the hotel bar, and ordered a Corona. Before he can finish his first beer, there is a bucket of Coronas sent to him from some lady.
That lady, we found out a few days later, was Evil Knieval's granddaughter. She is about 20 and is from Chicago, but lives in LA and is trying to cut an album. I made a deal with her.
If she would read my fan mail, then I would read hers.
The big draw about this chick was that she is somehow related to Adam Vinatieri. He was the kicker for the Patriots until he defected to the Colts. I tried to get her to convince him to come back, but I don't think it worked.
Well I have a ton of work to catch up on. I will write more later.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
The tanning culture...
This is odd. I'm ashamed to admit this. Fuck it.
I have been tanning for the past three weeks.
I'm not proud of this. I've never done it before, but I needed to for this trip to Aruba (another reason to not want to go....damn it for emasculating me) so I wouldn't burn.
Tanning parlors are such unusual places. Old wrinkly men work there with old wrinkly women. Young smoking hot chicks who were probably fetuses when I was in high school come in wearing practically nothing.
EVERYONE is tan. Makes me wonder why they are going if they are already tan. Dudes show up. They are so excited about tanning. They walk in with their tanning lotion.
These dudes are talking to the other regulars. Talking about how the stand up one is the best, it gets them all over. The women they are talking to nod seriously and say "Yeah you need to stand up one."
Like they are discussing a cure for cancer.
I don't need an all over tan. I just need to not get burned under that fucking sun. I have a session today and tomorrow and then I am done forever.
I don't fit in with this crazy mixed up tanning culture. I just go in...rock out on the ipod for 10 minutes and get the fuck out. I feel so dirty when I leave. Even though the place is clean...people lay in those beds naked.
I don't know what else to say about it, but I feel very strongly about this. I mean if it wasn't for the hot chicks there, it would be more gay than it is. Maybe that does make it more gay. I mean a lot of gay dudes hang out with smoking hot chicks.
Why do the wrinkly old tan guys remind me of child molesters? Actually the guys my age who go so much that they know that the stand up tanner is the best remind me of child molesters too.
Those smoking hot girls are probably teenagers.....hmm.
I think every dude except me who goes tanning is a child molester.
I think I just used the transistive theory in algebra on tanning.
Go me.
I have been tanning for the past three weeks.
I'm not proud of this. I've never done it before, but I needed to for this trip to Aruba (another reason to not want to go....damn it for emasculating me) so I wouldn't burn.
Tanning parlors are such unusual places. Old wrinkly men work there with old wrinkly women. Young smoking hot chicks who were probably fetuses when I was in high school come in wearing practically nothing.
EVERYONE is tan. Makes me wonder why they are going if they are already tan. Dudes show up. They are so excited about tanning. They walk in with their tanning lotion.
These dudes are talking to the other regulars. Talking about how the stand up one is the best, it gets them all over. The women they are talking to nod seriously and say "Yeah you need to stand up one."
Like they are discussing a cure for cancer.
I don't need an all over tan. I just need to not get burned under that fucking sun. I have a session today and tomorrow and then I am done forever.
I don't fit in with this crazy mixed up tanning culture. I just go in...rock out on the ipod for 10 minutes and get the fuck out. I feel so dirty when I leave. Even though the place is clean...people lay in those beds naked.
I don't know what else to say about it, but I feel very strongly about this. I mean if it wasn't for the hot chicks there, it would be more gay than it is. Maybe that does make it more gay. I mean a lot of gay dudes hang out with smoking hot chicks.
Why do the wrinkly old tan guys remind me of child molesters? Actually the guys my age who go so much that they know that the stand up tanner is the best remind me of child molesters too.
Those smoking hot girls are probably teenagers.....hmm.
I think every dude except me who goes tanning is a child molester.
I think I just used the transistive theory in algebra on tanning.
Go me.
Monday, April 10, 2006
If Donovan Mcnabb wasn't black he would be considered a bad quarterback....
This was the comment spoken by my uncle yesterday. The wife, boy and I spent the weekend with my folks for my birthday. Sunday kinda got away from us and we stayed later than we thought we would. During that time my aunt and uncle showed up. After a little while the men's conversation went to the great equalizer....Patriots football.
We talked about the schedule, how we were upset about the lack of moves with the team...just bullshitting.
Once we had removed the flavor from that subject, we focused on the NFL. Talking about what teams we thought were gonna make a splash.
Then we were talking about the Philadelphia Eagles. This set off my Uncle. He went on to say that Donovan Mcnabb was a horrible QB and that he only got media coverage because he was black. He said that no black QB will ever win a superbowl because they aren't smart enough. I disagreed and told him I was pretty sure that a black QB had won a superbowl. My uncle laughed and said "Well Jay I have been watching football a little longer than you have and I think I would know."
I went on to say nonetheless, Mcnabb is a bad example. He has taken his team to the NFC championship four years in a row. He is a good QB. I said if you want to talk over-rated, then I will agree that Micheal Vick is over-rated.
My uncle didn't want to hear any of it. He said that Rush Limbaugh was right. He said Mcnabb was a media darling based strictly on his race, and as a football player he was awful. He said Rush took a lot of heat for that, but he was correct nonetheless.
Some people just can't be open minded. I found that to be a very enlightening conversation.
We talked about the schedule, how we were upset about the lack of moves with the team...just bullshitting.
Once we had removed the flavor from that subject, we focused on the NFL. Talking about what teams we thought were gonna make a splash.
Then we were talking about the Philadelphia Eagles. This set off my Uncle. He went on to say that Donovan Mcnabb was a horrible QB and that he only got media coverage because he was black. He said that no black QB will ever win a superbowl because they aren't smart enough. I disagreed and told him I was pretty sure that a black QB had won a superbowl. My uncle laughed and said "Well Jay I have been watching football a little longer than you have and I think I would know."
I went on to say nonetheless, Mcnabb is a bad example. He has taken his team to the NFC championship four years in a row. He is a good QB. I said if you want to talk over-rated, then I will agree that Micheal Vick is over-rated.
My uncle didn't want to hear any of it. He said that Rush Limbaugh was right. He said Mcnabb was a media darling based strictly on his race, and as a football player he was awful. He said Rush took a lot of heat for that, but he was correct nonetheless.
Some people just can't be open minded. I found that to be a very enlightening conversation.
Friday, April 07, 2006
ipod
I come home last Friday and there is a gift from the wife and the boy. I open it and it is the 2 gig ipod nano. I am very excited about this. Hugs and kisses all around. I tell them it is a great gift and I couldn't believe they thought of something so nice.
On the inside I am bullshit. I don't want the fucking 2 gig nano. If I was going to get a fucking nano I would get the 4 gig. The truth I had my heart set on the video ipod. I was planning on using my birthday money to price them out.
My wife knew this. I had said that I was going to look at ipods. She thought it would be nice to get me one. She said the 4 gig was 50 dollars more, but that it holds 1000 songs. She didn't think I would need to put 1000 songs on my ipod.
Nice of her to think that. The 2 gig is really nice. I like the ipod. I like the ipod product I should say. I was upset about not having any say in choosing it, but I am trying to be better about getting pissed about gifts. I know people have my best interest in mind, so I didn't want to flip out.
This was on Friday.
Saturday we had the birthday party. I was listening to the ipod while I cleaned the house. Works awesome. The party was a great time. I got a little drunk, and got to hang out with friends I hadn't seen in like a year.
Sunday was even better. The wife and I got to sleep in. We had breakfast, and then around noon my folks dropped the boy off. We took the boy to the park. We walked about 3 miles with him at the park.
I'm listening to the ipod the whole time. Getting used to the idea of a 2 gig ipod.
We get home and I curl up on the couch to watch TV. The wife comes in and says this:
Wife: "We're going to use your 130 dollars for the ipod right?"
Me: "What 130 dollars?"
Wife: "My grandparents gave you 30 dollars and your folks usually give you 100 dollars for your birthday."
Me: "So I have to pay for my birthday present?"
This upsets my wife.
Wife: "It was an expensive gift Jay. I only bought it because you said you were going to look at them with your birthday money. I thought since you were going to get one with your money anyway I would get it for you and you would use your money towards the bill."
Now I am fucking freaking out in my head. Just going nuts.
I am holding my tonuge, but in my head I am thinking "Well if I was going to buy one it wouldn't be the fucking 2 gig one!" I just can't believe her logic. She is acting like I should know that this is how it was going to be.
I am just pissed that I didn't tell her right away that this wasn't the one I wanted. Especially since I'm fucking paying for it! I explain to her that I said I was going to check the ipods out, and that I really wanted a video ipod.
The wife comes back with saying they are like 280 dollars. I said I was aware of that and was planning on seeing what I got for cash on the birthday. I wasn't planning on dropping cash for this. I was going to use birthday money, and when I say that, it does in no way mean that I am definitely going to buy it. It sure as shit doesn't mean buy me the cheapest version of what I want and expect me to pay for it.
So I tell her that if I couldn't get the video ipod I might get the nano, but not the 2 gig one. I said more than anything I would have liked the choice to have been mine. I told her I was pissed that I was expected to pay for a birthday present, and if that was her plan then she never should have gotten it in the first place because it was most definitely not the one I wanted.
She tells me she has never been more shocked by me than she is right now. She spends the rest of the night ignoring me.
I don't give in to the game. If she had told me on Friday I was paying for the gift I wouldn't even had opened it.
I am a week away from Aruba. I might have changed my mind at the last minute and just kept my cash for the trip, but now I was tied to this fucking ipod.
I loved the ipod, but now whenever I looked at it I got pissed because I paid for something I didn't want.
The next day the wife calls me at work. She is much more calm now. Says I can return the ipod and get the 4 gig nano. (little does she know I had already called to see if it was returnable) She says that she looked at what we could afford and the 4 gig is about it.
I say fine. I originally wanted the nano, and only after I saw my brothers 30 gig video did I want that. I only wanted it because its 30 dollars more than the 4 gig nano and it holds 26 gig more.
So now I have the nano. I am a fan, but I think I should just tell people to get me gift certificates. I don't know anyone but me who has gift problems like me.
On the inside I am bullshit. I don't want the fucking 2 gig nano. If I was going to get a fucking nano I would get the 4 gig. The truth I had my heart set on the video ipod. I was planning on using my birthday money to price them out.
My wife knew this. I had said that I was going to look at ipods. She thought it would be nice to get me one. She said the 4 gig was 50 dollars more, but that it holds 1000 songs. She didn't think I would need to put 1000 songs on my ipod.
Nice of her to think that. The 2 gig is really nice. I like the ipod. I like the ipod product I should say. I was upset about not having any say in choosing it, but I am trying to be better about getting pissed about gifts. I know people have my best interest in mind, so I didn't want to flip out.
This was on Friday.
Saturday we had the birthday party. I was listening to the ipod while I cleaned the house. Works awesome. The party was a great time. I got a little drunk, and got to hang out with friends I hadn't seen in like a year.
Sunday was even better. The wife and I got to sleep in. We had breakfast, and then around noon my folks dropped the boy off. We took the boy to the park. We walked about 3 miles with him at the park.
I'm listening to the ipod the whole time. Getting used to the idea of a 2 gig ipod.
We get home and I curl up on the couch to watch TV. The wife comes in and says this:
Wife: "We're going to use your 130 dollars for the ipod right?"
Me: "What 130 dollars?"
Wife: "My grandparents gave you 30 dollars and your folks usually give you 100 dollars for your birthday."
Me: "So I have to pay for my birthday present?"
This upsets my wife.
Wife: "It was an expensive gift Jay. I only bought it because you said you were going to look at them with your birthday money. I thought since you were going to get one with your money anyway I would get it for you and you would use your money towards the bill."
Now I am fucking freaking out in my head. Just going nuts.
I am holding my tonuge, but in my head I am thinking "Well if I was going to buy one it wouldn't be the fucking 2 gig one!" I just can't believe her logic. She is acting like I should know that this is how it was going to be.
I am just pissed that I didn't tell her right away that this wasn't the one I wanted. Especially since I'm fucking paying for it! I explain to her that I said I was going to check the ipods out, and that I really wanted a video ipod.
The wife comes back with saying they are like 280 dollars. I said I was aware of that and was planning on seeing what I got for cash on the birthday. I wasn't planning on dropping cash for this. I was going to use birthday money, and when I say that, it does in no way mean that I am definitely going to buy it. It sure as shit doesn't mean buy me the cheapest version of what I want and expect me to pay for it.
So I tell her that if I couldn't get the video ipod I might get the nano, but not the 2 gig one. I said more than anything I would have liked the choice to have been mine. I told her I was pissed that I was expected to pay for a birthday present, and if that was her plan then she never should have gotten it in the first place because it was most definitely not the one I wanted.
She tells me she has never been more shocked by me than she is right now. She spends the rest of the night ignoring me.
I don't give in to the game. If she had told me on Friday I was paying for the gift I wouldn't even had opened it.
I am a week away from Aruba. I might have changed my mind at the last minute and just kept my cash for the trip, but now I was tied to this fucking ipod.
I loved the ipod, but now whenever I looked at it I got pissed because I paid for something I didn't want.
The next day the wife calls me at work. She is much more calm now. Says I can return the ipod and get the 4 gig nano. (little does she know I had already called to see if it was returnable) She says that she looked at what we could afford and the 4 gig is about it.
I say fine. I originally wanted the nano, and only after I saw my brothers 30 gig video did I want that. I only wanted it because its 30 dollars more than the 4 gig nano and it holds 26 gig more.
So now I have the nano. I am a fan, but I think I should just tell people to get me gift certificates. I don't know anyone but me who has gift problems like me.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Happy Birthday to someone....
Big three zero yesterday. I wake up and change the boys diaper. I make some breakfast and feed the dog. The wife is still in bed. I take my shower and get dressed. Say bye to the wife and the boy.
No birthday wishes.
Get to work.
There is an email from the wifes aunt wishing me a happy birthday.
That's nice, but no one from my family has yet to throw the happy bday my way.
"Surely I will be called after work."
I pick up the boy at my in laws house. They throw out the happy birthdays.
Still no word from any blood relatives of mine.
Finally I say fuck it and call my mom.
"Hey wanted to call and say thank you for the birthday wishes."
"Jay tomorrow is your birthday. Today is dad and my anniversary."
"No mom, TODAY is my birthday and tomorrow is your anniversary."
"Oh shit dad told woke me up at 5 am to wish me a happy anniversary."
"Great mom."
"Oh I'm so sorry. Happy birthday."
"Yea mom kinda takes the feeling out of it when I have to call and remind you of it."
So I'm feeling awesome after that. I get home with the boy and there are 2 messages. One from my cousin and another from my aunt. Both wishing me a happy birthday.
The good times start rolling. Then the cell rings. It's a cousin from New Jersey calling to wish me a happy birthday.
These are people I keep in touch with and see rarely, but peope I keep in touch with and see all the time forget. Let me be frank here. I let EVERYONE know when my birthday is coming up. I tell them all.
No excuse. Lazy people.
Next I call my grandmother. She remembered the bday but hit a wake earlier in the day and forgot to call.
Can't really give her shit for that one.
I give the boy dinner. He takes a bath and is in the pajamas.
He falls asleep watching Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I am about ready to put him to bed when the phone rings.
It's my aunt. Wishing me a happy birthday. This aunt is awesome.
The wife comes home and asks if I got her text message.
Nope.
She sent me a happy bday message. Oh well.
I wasn't really pissed at anyone for not calling, but I really did enjoy busting their balls.
Hopefully tomorrow I will have time to post about the ipod saga. If not tomorrow, then definitely this week.
No birthday wishes.
Get to work.
There is an email from the wifes aunt wishing me a happy birthday.
That's nice, but no one from my family has yet to throw the happy bday my way.
"Surely I will be called after work."
I pick up the boy at my in laws house. They throw out the happy birthdays.
Still no word from any blood relatives of mine.
Finally I say fuck it and call my mom.
"Hey wanted to call and say thank you for the birthday wishes."
"Jay tomorrow is your birthday. Today is dad and my anniversary."
"No mom, TODAY is my birthday and tomorrow is your anniversary."
"Oh shit dad told woke me up at 5 am to wish me a happy anniversary."
"Great mom."
"Oh I'm so sorry. Happy birthday."
"Yea mom kinda takes the feeling out of it when I have to call and remind you of it."
So I'm feeling awesome after that. I get home with the boy and there are 2 messages. One from my cousin and another from my aunt. Both wishing me a happy birthday.
The good times start rolling. Then the cell rings. It's a cousin from New Jersey calling to wish me a happy birthday.
These are people I keep in touch with and see rarely, but peope I keep in touch with and see all the time forget. Let me be frank here. I let EVERYONE know when my birthday is coming up. I tell them all.
No excuse. Lazy people.
Next I call my grandmother. She remembered the bday but hit a wake earlier in the day and forgot to call.
Can't really give her shit for that one.
I give the boy dinner. He takes a bath and is in the pajamas.
He falls asleep watching Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I am about ready to put him to bed when the phone rings.
It's my aunt. Wishing me a happy birthday. This aunt is awesome.
The wife comes home and asks if I got her text message.
Nope.
She sent me a happy bday message. Oh well.
I wasn't really pissed at anyone for not calling, but I really did enjoy busting their balls.
Hopefully tomorrow I will have time to post about the ipod saga. If not tomorrow, then definitely this week.