Two stories....

Two stories this week. They both involve the women I work with. The first is with the mom of 3 who is 27 years old.

January 2 she comes to my cube complaining/bragging about how much she boozed on New Years Eve.

She is telling me the story and I am only half listening because let's face it...the party is always the same.

1. She gets drunk.

2. Her kids are there or she has to drive them home.

3. She goes to bed at 4 am.

So I am only half listening when I hear "No panty lines, I'm not wearing underwear!"

I hit rewind in my head. She was talking about her (SMOKING HOT) sister who showed up at her party wearing a tube dress. Kat said the dress came down just below her sisters vagina.

Kat didn't notice any panty lines and asked her sister why. Her sister said it was because she wasn't wearing any underwear.

God bless her.

So then Kat goes on to say how her sister isn't promiscuous, she just likes to look sexy.
Then she said she had to keep telling her sister to keep her legs closed when she sat down.

I love this family.

I asked Kat why her dad let her sister out dressed like that.
"After me he just gave up."

So after she got knocked up at 19, got married, had another kid, got divorced, got married again, had another kid and then got divorced again, he gave up.

I don't know man. I'd consider her just a bad string of luck and move on with the next one.

So the Kat tells me her sister wants her to come with her for support because she has a job interview.

I ask where her sister is going to work.

She says "Macs Two"

In case you didn't know, Macs Two is the only 18+ strip club in Massachusetts. The owner gave up his liquor license so he could let 18 year olds in.

I'm like really? Kat goes on to tell me how it's a start for her sister to learn how to dance and eventually move up into a better club. She tells me she has a friend with a kid who makes one thousand dollars a week at Centerfolds in Boston.

To which I reply: "I bet that's not even her working 40 hours a week."

Kat agrees. I then tell Kat she should probably get into the stripping game.

"I know I really should. I want to, but the timing isn't right you know?"

I do know Kat. I do.

I ask Kat how old her sister is.

"18."

"Oh so she skip college this year?"

"Oh no. She graduates high school in June."

AWESOME.

So imagine you are a senior in high school and you have a crush on this girl who doesn't wear underwear. You and your buddies go to the only strip club you can get into and see your dreamgirl dancing.

Look but don't touch boys...she's not promiscuous. Sure she is 18, in high school and stripping, but I'm sure that's because Stop and Shop wasn't hiring.


Story two.

I work with this guy Andrew. Not a bad guy, just lazy. Around December 15th he went to Nairobi for a month long vacation to see his family.

He came back yesterday. He had a great time. Told me they slaughtered two goats for him.

The second one gave him food poisoning.

I guess that happens from time to time.

So the other lady I work with, Cassie sees Andrew and says.

"Welcome back! Looks like you got some color on your trip!"

Andrew is like "Umm yea."

Andrew leaves and I look at Cassie and ask her what the hell is wrong with her?

See Andrew is black. Cassie said it looks like he got some color.

Is there anything wrong there?

She didn't see the problem. I'm like "Cassie the dude is black not Irish for fucks sake!"

She replies "I'm Irish, what are you trying to say?"

I can't win I really can't.